I've come to a realization that I have been holding all of this resentment inside towards those who choose to have beliefs which discriminate people living lives in which they do not understand.. All because of a doctrine which they follow, in my opinion, too closely. It hasn't been an easy walk while dealing with religious individuals whom treat me like a project in which they constantly pray for "my salvation". Preying on me like their own personal golden star, a success story to add to their community all because they want their faith community to succeed...
So what ever happened to just being a friend because you genuinely like a person and just simply "click" with them? Because honestly I find it much kinder to just admit that we have nothing in common rather than playing these games in order to strengthen your religious organization. Let me be the honest one to say, I usually only help those who I care about. Hell, I can't help everyone and one person can only do so much. Or is that why you think that your faith community is majorly important? Well sure, I admit I've received help from the church in troubled times, but it never came without certain expectations. There was always some underlying agenda which I find very disrespectful.
There is also the fact that many of these organized religious folk, put many friends whom they click with to the side all because they don't follow the same beliefs with them. Those are the people who you should be helping. Your friends who you have a special connection with and not just being special mission greeters with an agenda to put a mythological God into someone's life in order to look good in your church... because I understand that it wouldn't look good for you to associate with that friend you set aside... the one who smokes pot, the one who's gay, the who had an abortion, the one who continues to prostitute themselves or the ones who deal marijuana to their friends... Did you ever stop to think that they're not listening to your crap because they feel looked down upon? Well that is often what happens when you associate with a faith community.
There are however a few people here and there in faith communities who I feel are the true "Saints". Not the pastor superstars who play it safe and by the book everywhere they go... The ones who take risks, who are different and are willing to put their reputation on the line for someone they genuinely love and care about. But often they get fed up with their communities and leave the church while the majority of their former communities no longer want anything to do with them. And that is the major problem in faith communities. That there rarely are ever genuine friends who really love you. It's all about the meet, greet and attempt to save cycle so that they get their golden star in their communities, while the people who they should be helping, they put aside, because they don't want their silly reputations to be threatened.
God does not guide places of worship, they are mainly systematic ways of surviving in a time where people have grown tired. Tired of people who claim to have faith who have lost the importance of community outside their four walls.
I struggle with this resentment often... I don't want to grow old and bitter towards people who believe a certain way... I find it so unbelievably hard because even when I sit down and try to make things right with old friends from churches I've gone to, there are certain things which bother me internally which I think about constantly. It's something I really need to work on, because I find it quite negative and I want to shine a brighter energy. Sure, I'm against the grain a lot but I still have this beauty inside me and hope to make things better in my life for myself and all those people I love around me... Whether we have different beliefs or not...
Thursday 4 December 2014
Tuesday 21 October 2014
I Thought It Was Jesus
When I was a child,I felt Jesus guiding me through all of these really difficult times in my life. I prayed often and I valued the teaching I heard of this man who loved me, but yet was a perfect being and never would I get a feeling of hate towards him. Without him, I don't know if I would still be her today.
There were certain parts of me which I had heard wasn't acceptable with Jesus and that's where the distortion of my faith came into play often. Not just that I was a confused gay child, but also this energy that seemed to be not connected to that inspirational feeling I got from Jesus. Magic and the spiritual realm. I was often told that we shouldn't bother with "the occult" because it was evil. So I suppressed it for many years until I began to dabble in it from time to time, which can be rather dangerous...
I've cast out a demon from a friend, experienced the spiritual parasites that drive you insane and also spooked myself out numerous times.These parasites I mention, they can drive you into this level of self loathing which indeed can push you to the brink of suicide. They put lies in your head and make you think everyone is talking about you. Delusions and bad luck curses that seem to never go away until you go through an intense ritual cleansing.
For me it was going back to Jesus. I felt comfortable with the idea because of this relationship I had with him before that I walked away from. But as time went by in the church, I realized that the Christian faith was only a symbol of safety in my spirituality and there was much more to explore. It's our own minds that open a trance to do the cleansing, the power within. I had to make sense of my childhood and the spirituality which I had suppressed.
I came to the realization that I have always been a natural witch, but with the power of a witch, comes consequences with how you use it. Which was why I experienced darkness in my dabbling faze. I'm in the light now, and have many blessing and good karma which comes my way often. My self confidence and pride is at an all time high.
I know many don't understand this path that i am on because it simply is not for everyone. And to all who understand me, and all who don't I will always say blessed be. Because I try my best not to wish harm on anyone. I feel as if I've unlocked different parts of the entity I once called Jesus. The one I call the light of the world, or the God/Goddess of goodness.
I've explored my spirituality a lot and have come to realize the gift or touch i have with the spiritual realm. Sure it's not as strong as the Hollywood movies... :) but I have come a long way with my faith and spirituality and have become less judging of those who do not share the same spiritual beliefs as me... However that is not to say that i don't have issues with people who try to stomp all over my happiness and love in my life.
Sure I judge those fellows at times but at least they are a little more deserving and I remind you all in saying that, that I am far from perfect and my spiritual path does not make me and more superior than you. This was just a gift that was given to me for a reason, and we all have those gifts. Mine just happens to be in communicating with the other side, which also isn't always going to be that accurate.
Now more than ever, I see that I often follow the left hand path and that I often go against the grain but in a manner of love and goodness. I see people who have so much potential in life for greatness and respect. Sometimes I feel that some parts of their current religion is holding them back in their spirituality but I will never try to push them, because I know that things happen in their life on their own time.
So I'm pretty sure that it was never the Jesus entity that I felt but definitely felt something with me all of my life and which ever divine power is with me, I am thankful for what it has done for me in my life and in giving me peace of mind in life constantly.
There were certain parts of me which I had heard wasn't acceptable with Jesus and that's where the distortion of my faith came into play often. Not just that I was a confused gay child, but also this energy that seemed to be not connected to that inspirational feeling I got from Jesus. Magic and the spiritual realm. I was often told that we shouldn't bother with "the occult" because it was evil. So I suppressed it for many years until I began to dabble in it from time to time, which can be rather dangerous...
I've cast out a demon from a friend, experienced the spiritual parasites that drive you insane and also spooked myself out numerous times.These parasites I mention, they can drive you into this level of self loathing which indeed can push you to the brink of suicide. They put lies in your head and make you think everyone is talking about you. Delusions and bad luck curses that seem to never go away until you go through an intense ritual cleansing.
For me it was going back to Jesus. I felt comfortable with the idea because of this relationship I had with him before that I walked away from. But as time went by in the church, I realized that the Christian faith was only a symbol of safety in my spirituality and there was much more to explore. It's our own minds that open a trance to do the cleansing, the power within. I had to make sense of my childhood and the spirituality which I had suppressed.
I came to the realization that I have always been a natural witch, but with the power of a witch, comes consequences with how you use it. Which was why I experienced darkness in my dabbling faze. I'm in the light now, and have many blessing and good karma which comes my way often. My self confidence and pride is at an all time high.
I know many don't understand this path that i am on because it simply is not for everyone. And to all who understand me, and all who don't I will always say blessed be. Because I try my best not to wish harm on anyone. I feel as if I've unlocked different parts of the entity I once called Jesus. The one I call the light of the world, or the God/Goddess of goodness.
I've explored my spirituality a lot and have come to realize the gift or touch i have with the spiritual realm. Sure it's not as strong as the Hollywood movies... :) but I have come a long way with my faith and spirituality and have become less judging of those who do not share the same spiritual beliefs as me... However that is not to say that i don't have issues with people who try to stomp all over my happiness and love in my life.
Sure I judge those fellows at times but at least they are a little more deserving and I remind you all in saying that, that I am far from perfect and my spiritual path does not make me and more superior than you. This was just a gift that was given to me for a reason, and we all have those gifts. Mine just happens to be in communicating with the other side, which also isn't always going to be that accurate.
Now more than ever, I see that I often follow the left hand path and that I often go against the grain but in a manner of love and goodness. I see people who have so much potential in life for greatness and respect. Sometimes I feel that some parts of their current religion is holding them back in their spirituality but I will never try to push them, because I know that things happen in their life on their own time.
So I'm pretty sure that it was never the Jesus entity that I felt but definitely felt something with me all of my life and which ever divine power is with me, I am thankful for what it has done for me in my life and in giving me peace of mind in life constantly.
Tuesday 9 September 2014
Life Lessons of a Witch
From the power of the sun, to the power of the moon, we are meant to be.
From the love of the people, to the love of the Goddess, we are meant to live.
From the life of our bodies, to the power within our souls, we have the power to change lives.
From the earth and the air, to the fire and the water, the Divine shine's their light upon us.
The power within each and every one of us has the potential to be contagious, so be careful how you use it.
Be strong in your times of trial and be true self to those around you.
There are many people who are lost in the darkness in life, so when you can, nurture their pain and love them for all they are.
Be cautious to those who take advantage and only accept what you deserve.
If someone dare manipulate you, take time to process your inner self.
To be strong is to have courage for self and the others who provide goodness around you.
Balance your time in accordance to those who provide your need for comfort and to those who need your comfort.
Let the universe guide you to your blessed destinations and when you get there, remember to say,
Blessed be.
From the love of the people, to the love of the Goddess, we are meant to live.
From the life of our bodies, to the power within our souls, we have the power to change lives.
From the earth and the air, to the fire and the water, the Divine shine's their light upon us.
The power within each and every one of us has the potential to be contagious, so be careful how you use it.
Be strong in your times of trial and be true self to those around you.
There are many people who are lost in the darkness in life, so when you can, nurture their pain and love them for all they are.
Be cautious to those who take advantage and only accept what you deserve.
If someone dare manipulate you, take time to process your inner self.
To be strong is to have courage for self and the others who provide goodness around you.
Balance your time in accordance to those who provide your need for comfort and to those who need your comfort.
Let the universe guide you to your blessed destinations and when you get there, remember to say,
Blessed be.
Tuesday 2 September 2014
Why Did I "Walk Away From Jesus"?
Who are we to tell another what is right and wrong in their lives? If they are happy and not doing any harm to themselves or others around them, then I don't think that we should point fingers at them. "Oh, but God says what they are doing is wrong," the religious tell us. How sure are you? Are any of us sure about what we're doing here on this earth? Life is hard enough at times and what we should be really focused on as humans is being there for people regardless of what kind of "walk of life" we are walking.
On the day I posted my final blog on Circle Drive Alliance Church, I went for coffee with one of the only guys who still visits with me from CDAC. He's a very loving friend of mine and although we don't see eye to eye on the bible and homosexuality, he's always there if he's free and I need him.
On this particular visit we voiced our opinions and I went back into the Christian psyche in order to level with him. I imagine he had a lot on the mind about the blogs I wrote recently which is fine and I have no hard feelings about the discussion we had. He's the kind of Christian who believes in the "born again" method of Christianity and that when you read the bible, God speaks to you through it.
My point was that the bible is inaccurate and that we cannot base scripture at face value on "Truth".
We both made our points and at the end of our bible discussion, we were in his truck awhile I was a bit upset about hearing those homophobic echoes of the church. I told him "this is exactly one reason why I have no desire for Christianity anymore. Because of shitty arguments like these." I just can't mentally handle this anti-gay conservative war on my civil rights and position in the church anymore. It also strikes a huge note in my heart every time I hear those echoes and this hurt on my shoulders that I am trying to heal really gets to me.
My friend somewhat agreed and while all of these feelings were stirring up inside me, I broke down and cried. I remembered how happy I used to be when I was a youth leader, before I "came out" and hadn't struggled with the church on such a big level. I told him "I needed to tell people about my sexuality because I was going crazy inside with such a huge secret...' I can't help how I feel inside and I am who I am. Unfortunately my so-called "lifestyle" is a controversial one and too many people argue if it's sinful.
I told my friend, "Every time someone tells me that homosexuality is sinful, it hurts me." I told him about my broken home, my father leaving when I desired a male-bonding relationship and how it shaped me into this bold gay guy that I am today. No, it didn't shape my sexuality and it's not only that I'm attracted to guys. That's not the only reason why I agreed to speak out. It's a little more sentimental for me and I can't help but feel the need to stand up for my dream of growing old with a man because I missed out on a lot of male bonding time as a child. I was a loner and after my parents broke up, I was living with only girls. It's not why I'm attracted to males, however it's why I am so bold on this topic.
My friend was thankful for me sharing with him and he prayed for me. I know he cares but the discussion we had only led to me playing with old doubts in my head for the next couple of days... Wondering if I was wrong living the life I am living. It also brought out all of these emotions in me which eventually were too hard to keep inside.
A couple weeks ago, my boyfriend was working late and I was at home pondering all of these thoughts and remembering how my faith in Christianity used to be. From when I was just a child who fell in love with the Jesus story... becoming involved with CDAC... taking religion more seriously due to communal influence... neglecting my loved ones for not embracing CDAC like I did... leaving the church... "coming out"... dabbling with spells... suicidal tendencies... returning to church... showing others that being gay isn't sinful... suffering from CDAC's agenda... involvement on queer-positive religious groups... speaking out against religious homophobia in the media... considering going to bible college in the Anglican church... attending an Anglican congregation which was queer-positive... then finally stopping to process it all...
My mother phoned me and asked me how I was doing.. Mother's intuition kicked in as I told her "I'm doing okay," and she could tell I had a lot on my mind. I started crying as she questioned me about what was wrong and she immediately came over. I told her, "Mom, the church really fucked me up..." I let it all out, the visit with my friend, why all of these emotions still remained inside me. About how hopeful I felt about Christianity when I was younger and being part of the church played a huge role in why I have no interest in organized religion anymore.
When I had told her all that I had been going through after this visit with my friend, how it stirred up all of these emotions, she told me that all of this pondering about spirituality and God is something she had pondered a lot. She take comfort that she feels that she has a purpose on this earth and that she has such a wonderful son. I wondered if I should remain in the LGBT religious groups I had played a huge part in with the mental state I was in but about a week later my Integrity Saskatoon secretary got in contact with me.
He talked about some of his beliefs and shared a little bit about his life and how he too doesn't agree with many things about the church and even Christianity. He's a free thinker like I am. He told me that a lot of these hurts from people don't always completely go away and I could see that. These issues I have with church friends probably wont go away when we are on different pages about something that hits so close to home for me. I decided to continue with the religious groups because I think there is still need for people to hear my story in religious settings.
Since about a week had passed from the visit with my mom, I had received a lot of clarity about all that happened. I feel a healing run through me which I believe the divine has a big part in. I am who I am and I believe what I believe. Just because I walked away from Christianity, doesn't mean that I'm lost or struggling with my faith. The fact that I am always questioning myself and my beliefs shows that I have a tremendous amount of faith that no one can take away from me.
I am blessed with all of these people in my life who love me and do not wish any unhappiness for me. Especially my amazing lover and soul-mate Josh, the love I always wanted in a relationship that's truly unbreakable.
I'm still processing all that I've been through but one thing that's for sure is that I will not assume that I know better than someone about what they are doing with their life. Especially when they are not harming themselves or those around them. I believe that positive life journeys are simply based on what you have experienced and how to do the best with all that you have and all that you are. Staying in touch with your inner-self and staying true to that magical, positive energy within yourself that makes you who you are. It's about how you handle life struggles and life achievements. Never being too insecure or too ungrateful. All of which are Wiccan ethics. I believe in "God" and I never walked away from the divine. I just have a different idea about how to handle the mystery behind it all.
I am embracing my love for "The Craft" and the beautiful spirit guides who guide me to the divine. It's something I've always felt a connection to and I have embraced it upon this journey I continue to walk on. I do not judge those who believe in the Christian faith and I have no problem with them as long as they're not trying to enforce harmful beliefs onto others. I am still offering my love to those who are hurt and in turmoil with their congregations and will continue to share my story because there are so many people that need piece of mind when people question their beliefs. I will not question, I will only listen and share some of the events that take place in my life.
Anytime, just look me up and find me. I see it as my calling to help.
On the day I posted my final blog on Circle Drive Alliance Church, I went for coffee with one of the only guys who still visits with me from CDAC. He's a very loving friend of mine and although we don't see eye to eye on the bible and homosexuality, he's always there if he's free and I need him.
On this particular visit we voiced our opinions and I went back into the Christian psyche in order to level with him. I imagine he had a lot on the mind about the blogs I wrote recently which is fine and I have no hard feelings about the discussion we had. He's the kind of Christian who believes in the "born again" method of Christianity and that when you read the bible, God speaks to you through it.
My point was that the bible is inaccurate and that we cannot base scripture at face value on "Truth".
We both made our points and at the end of our bible discussion, we were in his truck awhile I was a bit upset about hearing those homophobic echoes of the church. I told him "this is exactly one reason why I have no desire for Christianity anymore. Because of shitty arguments like these." I just can't mentally handle this anti-gay conservative war on my civil rights and position in the church anymore. It also strikes a huge note in my heart every time I hear those echoes and this hurt on my shoulders that I am trying to heal really gets to me.
My friend somewhat agreed and while all of these feelings were stirring up inside me, I broke down and cried. I remembered how happy I used to be when I was a youth leader, before I "came out" and hadn't struggled with the church on such a big level. I told him "I needed to tell people about my sexuality because I was going crazy inside with such a huge secret...' I can't help how I feel inside and I am who I am. Unfortunately my so-called "lifestyle" is a controversial one and too many people argue if it's sinful.
I told my friend, "Every time someone tells me that homosexuality is sinful, it hurts me." I told him about my broken home, my father leaving when I desired a male-bonding relationship and how it shaped me into this bold gay guy that I am today. No, it didn't shape my sexuality and it's not only that I'm attracted to guys. That's not the only reason why I agreed to speak out. It's a little more sentimental for me and I can't help but feel the need to stand up for my dream of growing old with a man because I missed out on a lot of male bonding time as a child. I was a loner and after my parents broke up, I was living with only girls. It's not why I'm attracted to males, however it's why I am so bold on this topic.
My friend was thankful for me sharing with him and he prayed for me. I know he cares but the discussion we had only led to me playing with old doubts in my head for the next couple of days... Wondering if I was wrong living the life I am living. It also brought out all of these emotions in me which eventually were too hard to keep inside.
A couple weeks ago, my boyfriend was working late and I was at home pondering all of these thoughts and remembering how my faith in Christianity used to be. From when I was just a child who fell in love with the Jesus story... becoming involved with CDAC... taking religion more seriously due to communal influence... neglecting my loved ones for not embracing CDAC like I did... leaving the church... "coming out"... dabbling with spells... suicidal tendencies... returning to church... showing others that being gay isn't sinful... suffering from CDAC's agenda... involvement on queer-positive religious groups... speaking out against religious homophobia in the media... considering going to bible college in the Anglican church... attending an Anglican congregation which was queer-positive... then finally stopping to process it all...
My mother phoned me and asked me how I was doing.. Mother's intuition kicked in as I told her "I'm doing okay," and she could tell I had a lot on my mind. I started crying as she questioned me about what was wrong and she immediately came over. I told her, "Mom, the church really fucked me up..." I let it all out, the visit with my friend, why all of these emotions still remained inside me. About how hopeful I felt about Christianity when I was younger and being part of the church played a huge role in why I have no interest in organized religion anymore.
When I had told her all that I had been going through after this visit with my friend, how it stirred up all of these emotions, she told me that all of this pondering about spirituality and God is something she had pondered a lot. She take comfort that she feels that she has a purpose on this earth and that she has such a wonderful son. I wondered if I should remain in the LGBT religious groups I had played a huge part in with the mental state I was in but about a week later my Integrity Saskatoon secretary got in contact with me.
He talked about some of his beliefs and shared a little bit about his life and how he too doesn't agree with many things about the church and even Christianity. He's a free thinker like I am. He told me that a lot of these hurts from people don't always completely go away and I could see that. These issues I have with church friends probably wont go away when we are on different pages about something that hits so close to home for me. I decided to continue with the religious groups because I think there is still need for people to hear my story in religious settings.
Since about a week had passed from the visit with my mom, I had received a lot of clarity about all that happened. I feel a healing run through me which I believe the divine has a big part in. I am who I am and I believe what I believe. Just because I walked away from Christianity, doesn't mean that I'm lost or struggling with my faith. The fact that I am always questioning myself and my beliefs shows that I have a tremendous amount of faith that no one can take away from me.
I am blessed with all of these people in my life who love me and do not wish any unhappiness for me. Especially my amazing lover and soul-mate Josh, the love I always wanted in a relationship that's truly unbreakable.
I'm still processing all that I've been through but one thing that's for sure is that I will not assume that I know better than someone about what they are doing with their life. Especially when they are not harming themselves or those around them. I believe that positive life journeys are simply based on what you have experienced and how to do the best with all that you have and all that you are. Staying in touch with your inner-self and staying true to that magical, positive energy within yourself that makes you who you are. It's about how you handle life struggles and life achievements. Never being too insecure or too ungrateful. All of which are Wiccan ethics. I believe in "God" and I never walked away from the divine. I just have a different idea about how to handle the mystery behind it all.
I am embracing my love for "The Craft" and the beautiful spirit guides who guide me to the divine. It's something I've always felt a connection to and I have embraced it upon this journey I continue to walk on. I do not judge those who believe in the Christian faith and I have no problem with them as long as they're not trying to enforce harmful beliefs onto others. I am still offering my love to those who are hurt and in turmoil with their congregations and will continue to share my story because there are so many people that need piece of mind when people question their beliefs. I will not question, I will only listen and share some of the events that take place in my life.
Anytime, just look me up and find me. I see it as my calling to help.
Monday 11 August 2014
To the Holy Cross High School class of 2004
In the fall of 2000 I entered into a our high school which would leave me with all of these memories haunting me for many different reasons. I, like many of my former classmates, was scared and was on this quest for people to like me. Being a little socially awkward at times sure didn't help my situation and although I made a lot of people in my grade 9 class laugh, they eventually grew tired of this energy which had worked for me in the past to make friends and feel a little better about myself.
As I look back, I tried too hard to make friends and although I made people laugh, not many people got to know the guy that was struggling to live a happy life. Sure, I may have appeared happy on the outside but inside was a completely different story. Struggling with certain passions on the inside that I was told were sinful and just often wondering if God still loved me even as a child, feeling most close to God than any time in my life.
Maybe it was because I was going crazy on the inside with these struggles of mine that I struggled to get to know all of the wonderful people in my class. The ones that I started to get to know often seemed to have other friends that they connected more with. While I don't blame myself for struggling, I can see how those connections with other students just didn't happen. I wasn't being myself and for the most part, the only part of myself I was comfortable sharing with people were my wacky sense of humor and my faith in God.
Due to my own personal struggles with self identifying myself due to the passions I looked at as "impure", I'm pretty sure that I hurt some people. I was one of those guys that made fun of people for looking "gay" or even called people "fag". "Sticks and stones", I suppose but there were some moments that I really am not proud of besides the name calling. At time I used my struggles of religion and my affectionate desires as a fear tactic onto others.
Yes, I was one of those people that at times told people that being gay was "sinful" and a "damned lifestyle". I remember one time in particular when I did an oral presentation on the subject in Mr. Swales grade 12 English class. Telling people that "they can change" and that "they're only gay because of insecurities within their gender roles", when all that I was really doing was making fellow students feel like there was something wrong with them... That the passions they feel for individuals of the same-sex was something to be shamed rather than embraced with love.
I felt like that if I spoke out against what I was going through, that maybe I would get enough courage to diminish my attractions towards the same-sex. Maybe in doing so, I committed "social suicide" with my peers. As I look back today, I was the one to be shamed at that time.
Today I live with my same-sex partner in a lovely apartment in downtown Saskatoon and the reality that I face is that our love is no different than anyone else's. But also that I have this guilt that lies within my heart while wondering how what I said to people in high school has shaped them in who they are today. Have the words that I said struck gays and lesbians in a way that they felt they couldn't come to terms with themselves sooner or ever? If that is so, and any of them are reading this, I just want to let them know how sorry I am and that you will indeed see me at our reunion in September. If you need to let it all out and tell me how much it hurt you for me to be so homophobic, I am willing to take it.
Every time I think about the homophobic words I said back then, I say a prayer for those people it may have affected. I pray that they find the love in their lives that they deserve and that their lives be happy and blessed. Because no matter what anyone tells you or whichever belief system you follow, what matters most to humans is that we find what we desire most in life, especially when it comes to love. It would sadden me to hear that any of my classmates never found what they deserved, especially when after so many personal struggles, I did. It's also never too late to attempt to fulfill those dreams.
With love,
Your former classmate,
Ryan Willey
As I look back, I tried too hard to make friends and although I made people laugh, not many people got to know the guy that was struggling to live a happy life. Sure, I may have appeared happy on the outside but inside was a completely different story. Struggling with certain passions on the inside that I was told were sinful and just often wondering if God still loved me even as a child, feeling most close to God than any time in my life.
Maybe it was because I was going crazy on the inside with these struggles of mine that I struggled to get to know all of the wonderful people in my class. The ones that I started to get to know often seemed to have other friends that they connected more with. While I don't blame myself for struggling, I can see how those connections with other students just didn't happen. I wasn't being myself and for the most part, the only part of myself I was comfortable sharing with people were my wacky sense of humor and my faith in God.
Due to my own personal struggles with self identifying myself due to the passions I looked at as "impure", I'm pretty sure that I hurt some people. I was one of those guys that made fun of people for looking "gay" or even called people "fag". "Sticks and stones", I suppose but there were some moments that I really am not proud of besides the name calling. At time I used my struggles of religion and my affectionate desires as a fear tactic onto others.
Yes, I was one of those people that at times told people that being gay was "sinful" and a "damned lifestyle". I remember one time in particular when I did an oral presentation on the subject in Mr. Swales grade 12 English class. Telling people that "they can change" and that "they're only gay because of insecurities within their gender roles", when all that I was really doing was making fellow students feel like there was something wrong with them... That the passions they feel for individuals of the same-sex was something to be shamed rather than embraced with love.
I felt like that if I spoke out against what I was going through, that maybe I would get enough courage to diminish my attractions towards the same-sex. Maybe in doing so, I committed "social suicide" with my peers. As I look back today, I was the one to be shamed at that time.
Today I live with my same-sex partner in a lovely apartment in downtown Saskatoon and the reality that I face is that our love is no different than anyone else's. But also that I have this guilt that lies within my heart while wondering how what I said to people in high school has shaped them in who they are today. Have the words that I said struck gays and lesbians in a way that they felt they couldn't come to terms with themselves sooner or ever? If that is so, and any of them are reading this, I just want to let them know how sorry I am and that you will indeed see me at our reunion in September. If you need to let it all out and tell me how much it hurt you for me to be so homophobic, I am willing to take it.
Every time I think about the homophobic words I said back then, I say a prayer for those people it may have affected. I pray that they find the love in their lives that they deserve and that their lives be happy and blessed. Because no matter what anyone tells you or whichever belief system you follow, what matters most to humans is that we find what we desire most in life, especially when it comes to love. It would sadden me to hear that any of my classmates never found what they deserved, especially when after so many personal struggles, I did. It's also never too late to attempt to fulfill those dreams.
With love,
Your former classmate,
Ryan Willey
Thursday 12 June 2014
When I Imagine Myself with a Woman
Every once in a while, I remember when I was a child watching the film "Look Who's Talking Now" with Kirstey Alley and John Travolta. The one with the talking dogs... There's a scene near the end of the film when the father is coming home to his family for Christmas after some troubles getting home. The mother gets all emotional when she see's her husband and I remember when I was watching this, for some reason I thought to myself that I wanted a wife and a family one day. I was about 10 and was afraid of my attractions towards other boys. But for some reason, this film gave me this feeling on how nice it would be to have a wife and kids. At the time, I felt certain that that's what I wanted.
Today the thought of being with a woman is certainly unpleasant. It doesn't do much for me physically and of course I just don't have that connection with women that most guys have. There were times when I would toy with the idea in my mind, but the fantasy of having a wife has died as I got older and figured myself out. There are callings in each of us that our souls that we cannot deny.
Sometimes I toy with the idea in my head, being married to a woman and having kids and the white picket fence... It's just sooo not me ;) I imagine if I were in such a situation, where I lied to myself for too many years, that it would end in disaster. I imagine that I would be falling in love with all of my new best friends and there would be this hole in my life I'd be wanting to fill but never being able to. No pun intended. ;)
I had a girlfriend once... I even thought about marrying her and it wasn't even me who broke up with her. She dumped me... maybe it was destiny... I mean look at all that I have done for the community for gay rights and understanding. All of the people that I help be comfortable with what they feel inside and showing them that it's perfectly healthy for them to be going towards their happily ever after... Maybe not all of us get there, but I personally would rather not going crazy inside with a dream that would never have a chance to be fulfilled.
Some would say, just change your dreams. Well yea, people's dreams do change at times because we become wiser through every experience that we have. But the thing that always worked for me, is being true to myself and being good to all those who come across me. I try my best. ;) I've been blessed with all of the good things that I've experienced in my life; a family who supports and loves me, a loving boyfriend who finds me irresistible, a sustainable job and all those wonderful people who follow me with a glimmer of hope in their eyes.
My childhood dream wasn't really for me, while some people might argue that it should have been. Well I also wanted to be a police officer but do not have the physical capabilities to do so. Our childhood dreams evolve and it's perfectly fine. It just shows growth as a person and love for myself. I may not be completely sold on a religion, but I am still seeking for "Truth" in myself, in those all around me and possibly the divine.
Today the thought of being with a woman is certainly unpleasant. It doesn't do much for me physically and of course I just don't have that connection with women that most guys have. There were times when I would toy with the idea in my mind, but the fantasy of having a wife has died as I got older and figured myself out. There are callings in each of us that our souls that we cannot deny.
Sometimes I toy with the idea in my head, being married to a woman and having kids and the white picket fence... It's just sooo not me ;) I imagine if I were in such a situation, where I lied to myself for too many years, that it would end in disaster. I imagine that I would be falling in love with all of my new best friends and there would be this hole in my life I'd be wanting to fill but never being able to. No pun intended. ;)
I had a girlfriend once... I even thought about marrying her and it wasn't even me who broke up with her. She dumped me... maybe it was destiny... I mean look at all that I have done for the community for gay rights and understanding. All of the people that I help be comfortable with what they feel inside and showing them that it's perfectly healthy for them to be going towards their happily ever after... Maybe not all of us get there, but I personally would rather not going crazy inside with a dream that would never have a chance to be fulfilled.
Some would say, just change your dreams. Well yea, people's dreams do change at times because we become wiser through every experience that we have. But the thing that always worked for me, is being true to myself and being good to all those who come across me. I try my best. ;) I've been blessed with all of the good things that I've experienced in my life; a family who supports and loves me, a loving boyfriend who finds me irresistible, a sustainable job and all those wonderful people who follow me with a glimmer of hope in their eyes.
My childhood dream wasn't really for me, while some people might argue that it should have been. Well I also wanted to be a police officer but do not have the physical capabilities to do so. Our childhood dreams evolve and it's perfectly fine. It just shows growth as a person and love for myself. I may not be completely sold on a religion, but I am still seeking for "Truth" in myself, in those all around me and possibly the divine.
Monday 9 June 2014
Something I Will Not Tolerate
Lately I've been thinking about the kind of world I'd like to live in with my lover, which has caused me to reevaluate how tolerant I should be towards anti-gay religious fanatics. I dream of a world where my lover and I won't be looked at as perverts, a danger towards children, sinful based upon our expressions of love and finally a world where we will not have to be fearful to hold each other's hands in public.
I tell you this because I want people to really think about what it means to "wipe out homophobia"... I won't tolerate people who judge me just because my lover is the same sex as me, even if it's because of their religious beliefs. You can't polish a turd, homophobia isn't something beautiful just because it's a part of your religion. It is not any more tolerable just because your religious beliefs say differently. Discrimination against those of a loving nature and while doing no harm is despicable and wrong.
Homophobia is disgusting, hateful, evil, shameful, degrading, etc. If your religious beliefs are upsetting so many people who are not harming anyone, then what are your beliefs doing to them on the inside? Every time you spout out your mouth to us, it tears up our soul a little bit, some more than others. I'm past the point of caring what religious fanatics think about me but I do care that they are influencing vulnerable individuals to suppress their right to living the loving lives they desire.
I will not tolerate any form of homophobia! My dream is that the world will "wipe out homophobia" because this is "the devil" that lurks in congregations and many other forms of communities. We are not evil, nor are our expressions of love. The real evil is the indifference that is caused by people in these communities. You have no right to be upset about our own personal wishes and if you get in our way or speak out against us, then I wont tolerate it.
I tell all people with good wishes to follow your dreams and when someone tells you to tolerate people who disagree with you, know that they are not worth arguing with. Because while "love can move mountains" some "brick walls" will just never fall until they start to parish. Besides, your actions will always speak louder than words. As long as you're following what you know is right in your heart and not harming anyone, then the divine will guide you to your destination of love.
I tell you this because I want people to really think about what it means to "wipe out homophobia"... I won't tolerate people who judge me just because my lover is the same sex as me, even if it's because of their religious beliefs. You can't polish a turd, homophobia isn't something beautiful just because it's a part of your religion. It is not any more tolerable just because your religious beliefs say differently. Discrimination against those of a loving nature and while doing no harm is despicable and wrong.
Homophobia is disgusting, hateful, evil, shameful, degrading, etc. If your religious beliefs are upsetting so many people who are not harming anyone, then what are your beliefs doing to them on the inside? Every time you spout out your mouth to us, it tears up our soul a little bit, some more than others. I'm past the point of caring what religious fanatics think about me but I do care that they are influencing vulnerable individuals to suppress their right to living the loving lives they desire.
I will not tolerate any form of homophobia! My dream is that the world will "wipe out homophobia" because this is "the devil" that lurks in congregations and many other forms of communities. We are not evil, nor are our expressions of love. The real evil is the indifference that is caused by people in these communities. You have no right to be upset about our own personal wishes and if you get in our way or speak out against us, then I wont tolerate it.
I tell all people with good wishes to follow your dreams and when someone tells you to tolerate people who disagree with you, know that they are not worth arguing with. Because while "love can move mountains" some "brick walls" will just never fall until they start to parish. Besides, your actions will always speak louder than words. As long as you're following what you know is right in your heart and not harming anyone, then the divine will guide you to your destination of love.
Tuesday 27 May 2014
The Man of My Dreams
Finally, at the age of 28, I have found my soul mate. You know, the person we hear about in love stories? Someone just so unbelievably like the person I asked for in prayers and in my dreams. Someone who loves me more than any other person on this earth.
It was hard for a while before I met him. I often wondered if I would end up like one of those creepy old guys you see in the bar staring at the younger ones, with this voice in he back of their head saying that they've missed their chances. But by following my heart and being true to myself, breaking free of everyone else's expectations and just being, I am on the right divine path and finally met "the one". I believe that we all have a soul mate but the only way we get to that person is by following your most cherished dreams and being pure hearted. It's essential for a relationship.
My boyfriend and I have laughed together, cried together and most importantly; loved together. We know what each other are thinking without even saying a word. Sometimes when we're not together, we can feel what kind of day the other is having without even knowing. Our connection is stronger than any other we've experienced. We are true lovers even in a world where religious fanatics tell us "gays can't have functional relationships."
With every day we spend together, our relationship is stronger and we have proved to ourselves time and time again that it doesn't matter what others think of us. We only live by our own expectations which follows closest to our hearts and our hearts are like one. It's our love that slays the idea of our loving expressions as being sinful. When we burn with passions, we're their for each other. We're there for each other for many reasons and all we can do is laugh at the those who make theories about us from afar but are not willing to walk with us. Because only those who have walked in these shoes of ours, know the truth in our hearts and in our lives. Sometimes people can see enough of that and realize that there is no "devil" in what we are doing.
The divine is with us, guiding us through our relationship. It's unquestionable to us because of all of the magical things which we've experienced together. Any doubts of the goodness in being gay are shattered when we are together and our love conquers this demon lurking in congregations and other communities. The demon of arrogance which is projecting fear onto us from afar. But as long as we're far from it, it proves that people aren't willing to understand. I challenge those who are anti-gay to break free of fear and see how some of your thoughts are not necessarily so. Befriend us rather than fearing us and staying your distance.
The man of my dreams has entered into my life and I couldn't be happier. It's like I'm in this dream that I haven't awoken from because it's all too magical and wonderful. Never fear your desires of love because as long as you continue to do you part to positively share your power within yourself, then the right things will come and challenges will get easier. They have in my life anyway.
It was hard for a while before I met him. I often wondered if I would end up like one of those creepy old guys you see in the bar staring at the younger ones, with this voice in he back of their head saying that they've missed their chances. But by following my heart and being true to myself, breaking free of everyone else's expectations and just being, I am on the right divine path and finally met "the one". I believe that we all have a soul mate but the only way we get to that person is by following your most cherished dreams and being pure hearted. It's essential for a relationship.
My boyfriend and I have laughed together, cried together and most importantly; loved together. We know what each other are thinking without even saying a word. Sometimes when we're not together, we can feel what kind of day the other is having without even knowing. Our connection is stronger than any other we've experienced. We are true lovers even in a world where religious fanatics tell us "gays can't have functional relationships."
With every day we spend together, our relationship is stronger and we have proved to ourselves time and time again that it doesn't matter what others think of us. We only live by our own expectations which follows closest to our hearts and our hearts are like one. It's our love that slays the idea of our loving expressions as being sinful. When we burn with passions, we're their for each other. We're there for each other for many reasons and all we can do is laugh at the those who make theories about us from afar but are not willing to walk with us. Because only those who have walked in these shoes of ours, know the truth in our hearts and in our lives. Sometimes people can see enough of that and realize that there is no "devil" in what we are doing.
The divine is with us, guiding us through our relationship. It's unquestionable to us because of all of the magical things which we've experienced together. Any doubts of the goodness in being gay are shattered when we are together and our love conquers this demon lurking in congregations and other communities. The demon of arrogance which is projecting fear onto us from afar. But as long as we're far from it, it proves that people aren't willing to understand. I challenge those who are anti-gay to break free of fear and see how some of your thoughts are not necessarily so. Befriend us rather than fearing us and staying your distance.
The man of my dreams has entered into my life and I couldn't be happier. It's like I'm in this dream that I haven't awoken from because it's all too magical and wonderful. Never fear your desires of love because as long as you continue to do you part to positively share your power within yourself, then the right things will come and challenges will get easier. They have in my life anyway.
Tuesday 20 May 2014
"What's with this Witchy Stuff?"
Not long ago I sat down with a friend who is a priest in the Anglican church. She's been beside me for sometime as I have been battling the Goliath in the church called homophobia. She is someone very dear to my heart and I have the utmost respect for her.
I hadn't seen her in a few months and since then I had come out about my spiritual beliefs which are very close to the Wiccan beliefs, although I do not necessarily practice very many rituals. So she asked me, "What's with this witchy stuff?" I had been worried about telling her, because she had the most faith in me becoming more involved in the church, she told others in the church that she could see me in ministry. She had set up appointments with people in the church in regards to my vocation with the church.
It seemed like a pretty good idea at the time... but deep down inside the depths of my heart, mind and soul there was this battle going on. I had this fear, that if I were to obtain such a role in the church, that I would be lying to myself. I wondered if I would change certain aspects of myself that I cherish. I wondered if I would actually be me, or be holding back on the magic inside me that now seems to flow so beautifully and freely.
I hadn't seen her in a few months and since then I had come out about my spiritual beliefs which are very close to the Wiccan beliefs, although I do not necessarily practice very many rituals. So she asked me, "What's with this witchy stuff?" I had been worried about telling her, because she had the most faith in me becoming more involved in the church, she told others in the church that she could see me in ministry. She had set up appointments with people in the church in regards to my vocation with the church.
It seemed like a pretty good idea at the time... but deep down inside the depths of my heart, mind and soul there was this battle going on. I had this fear, that if I were to obtain such a role in the church, that I would be lying to myself. I wondered if I would change certain aspects of myself that I cherish. I wondered if I would actually be me, or be holding back on the magic inside me that now seems to flow so beautifully and freely.
Just before my priest-friend's sabbatical leave, I stopped going to church to break free and dig down deep into my body, mind and soul. The result being that the magic inside me, hadn't been enlightened in my life to it's fullest, which is now my official spiritual goal. Then recently, I was sitting in my priest-friend's office about the Christian support groups which we had coordinated together.
I basically answered that I was journeying and that I had become in touch with my most inner-self. That I wasn't sure about the "God thing" because I don't want to be narrow minded and not consider what other's believe. I told her that I loved the Jesus story but question it's legitimacy. I asked, who really knows that they're right about God in this world?
At the end of our meeting, I was sitting with her, waiting for my boyfriend to come pick me up. She told me a little bit about this story about these blind men feeling this elephant.
I basically answered that I was journeying and that I had become in touch with my most inner-self. That I wasn't sure about the "God thing" because I don't want to be narrow minded and not consider what other's believe. I told her that I loved the Jesus story but question it's legitimacy. I asked, who really knows that they're right about God in this world?
At the end of our meeting, I was sitting with her, waiting for my boyfriend to come pick me up. She told me a little bit about this story about these blind men feeling this elephant.
The Blind Men and the Elephant
John Godfrey Saxe (1816-1887)
It was six men of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind.
The First approached the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
"God bless me! but the Elephant
Is very like a WALL!"
The Second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried, "Ho, what have we here,
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me 'tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant
Is very like a SPEAR!"
The Third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
Thus boldly up and spake:
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a SNAKE!"
The Fourth reached out an eager hand,
And felt about the knee
"What most this wondrous beast is like
Is mighty plain," quoth he:
"'Tis clear enough the Elephant
Is very like a TREE!"
The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: "E'en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
Deny the fact who can,
This marvel of an Elephant
Is very like a FAN!"
The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Than seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope,
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a ROPE!"
And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong!
Source:
http://www.constitution.org/col/blind_men.htm
She told me that God is like the elephant and the blind men are all like men from different religions. That God is even bigger than what any man can describe, which I would have to agree with. Whether it be "God" or some other sort of supernatural force, the story behind our existence will most likely always remain incorrect by the human race.
So we retreat and we find our own personal meanings in our lives. For me, it's spirituality, the power within, family, friends and most of all; love. A lot of the things that are taught in religions are valuable and work great for people, and I have nothing against that. But in today's world, I think that it's all common sense now. That we don't need to worship ancient stories in order to find divination in one's life. Doing your best as a human being and following your dreams are what brings this world together.
Maybe indifference will one day be defeated if we all just learned to listen rather than bite each other's heads off because of simple disagreements and misunderstandings.
So we retreat and we find our own personal meanings in our lives. For me, it's spirituality, the power within, family, friends and most of all; love. A lot of the things that are taught in religions are valuable and work great for people, and I have nothing against that. But in today's world, I think that it's all common sense now. That we don't need to worship ancient stories in order to find divination in one's life. Doing your best as a human being and following your dreams are what brings this world together.
Maybe indifference will one day be defeated if we all just learned to listen rather than bite each other's heads off because of simple disagreements and misunderstandings.
Wednesday 14 May 2014
Haunted
I think of my past a lot. My favourite moments of my life, friends who I miss hanging out with and even who I once was... These memories I hold onto, sometimes I wish I could go back to and relive my most cherished memories and it doesn't help that the world seems to lose goodness as we grow older. Maybe everyone thinks the world was better when they were younger... Maybe I'm just running after these memories that haunt my heart because things just aren't the same.
You know, those memories that give you these unique feelings that we just can't describe? And in the moment we don't even realize just how special those moments really are until we're haunted with replayed memories making us feel like our best moments have passed. I remember my friends in high school, running around the city like idiots, shooting fireworks at each other just not giving a shit about tomorrow. Or even further back, when my extended family would have our holiday get together's at my grandparents' house, singing carols. I remember going to Youth Groups, when I never really thought about such things as dogma or sins. Just being a kid, doing things that kids normally do.
Then one day, responsibilities rush into our lives and things start to change faster and sooner. Life gets harder, and sometimes even darker. Day by day, finding it harder to fight our demons and fearing that our greatest nightmares will one day come true. But the people we love, the people who are there for us, seem to make us want to fight our demons, because without them, where would we be?
I'm trying my best, day by day, to create even greater memories than the ones that haunt me. I'm trying to have faith in my future and holding on to the people in my life that I create good, positive memories with. I wonder, at the end of our lives, because all that we have are our haunting memories, will I be happy with the memories that I have? Will my life feel fulfilled? I'm trying my best to make sure it does.
You know, those memories that give you these unique feelings that we just can't describe? And in the moment we don't even realize just how special those moments really are until we're haunted with replayed memories making us feel like our best moments have passed. I remember my friends in high school, running around the city like idiots, shooting fireworks at each other just not giving a shit about tomorrow. Or even further back, when my extended family would have our holiday get together's at my grandparents' house, singing carols. I remember going to Youth Groups, when I never really thought about such things as dogma or sins. Just being a kid, doing things that kids normally do.
Then one day, responsibilities rush into our lives and things start to change faster and sooner. Life gets harder, and sometimes even darker. Day by day, finding it harder to fight our demons and fearing that our greatest nightmares will one day come true. But the people we love, the people who are there for us, seem to make us want to fight our demons, because without them, where would we be?
I'm trying my best, day by day, to create even greater memories than the ones that haunt me. I'm trying to have faith in my future and holding on to the people in my life that I create good, positive memories with. I wonder, at the end of our lives, because all that we have are our haunting memories, will I be happy with the memories that I have? Will my life feel fulfilled? I'm trying my best to make sure it does.
Thursday 8 May 2014
Pondering My Existence
I often wonder why we're here and why the source of why we are here never seems to come forth and explain the big mystery. Was our existence just all a fluke? Or did we come from something divine? It all comes down to what you choose to believe I suppose because it's the one thing that always will remain a mystery in my eyes.
I really want to believe that we have divine plans in our lives and that each one of us was born at a certain time, a certain place and with certain people in our lives. I'd like to think that we were created by something. But I often slip in to this empty feeling of being lost in all of the theories and as a result, I'm left with a scary realisation that for the rest of my life, I will be pondering why I am here on this earth.
Of course there's my wonderful family and friends who have made my life something worth living and even wonderful for the most part. They ease my mind of all of this pondering I have and for the moments I'm with them, nothing really matters but us. The love and truths that are shared between us give me this happiness and encouragement of taking on my life further and further.
But if for some freak reason, everyone I knew and loved left me, what would I have? Still left with all of these ideas of my existence and trying to make sense of it all while my ideas evolve further, until finally I'm at the end of my rope and I can really only rely on what I have come up with on my own for my beliefs. But is it really ever enough?
There's so many theories and stories about why we are here and all of them seem to be different, but for the most part they all have similarities. Maybe it's just because of how humans think or maybe it's just because we've found agreements with each other somewhere along the way. But real knowledge of what happened, never comes forth. Science and theories always re-evaluated and corrected. Theories changing even more. Whether your pro-religion or pro-science, we're all just lost in a sea of voices shouting out ideas about why we're here but nothing ever is for sure.
I wonder... If a God created us, why wouldn't he silence all of this yelling and screaming about our existence with an absolute unquestionable truth? Are we ever truly "found" by God in a world where everyone seems to be lost in their theories of existence? Or does it all make sense when we die? Do all of the energy and thoughts not burn out, but transfer to a place beyond where the divine shows us the truth? I have no idea and frankly it's all a little too mind boggling at times.
I guess I'll just continue to do the best with all that I have and all that I am... Because nothing else seems to work.
Sunday 4 May 2014
On "God's Not Dead" movie
Hey friends. As I said on my f book, I am doing a blog on the new Christian hyped movie "God's Not Dead".
First of all it was a little bit better than I had expected.. but it still was a terrible view on Christian culture and nonbelievers. The debates between the Christian student and Athiest professor were obviously the most intriguing parts of the movie which made me as an agnostic, feel more excited for the the Christian student in a sense that he was trying to show people that we are all a part of some divine plan.
I believe in a certain divine path for everyone but don't necessarily think it has to be Christianity as the basis of peoples beliefs. I personally was happy to see the classmates agree that God was not dead because as long as others are happy and fulfilled in their spiritual lives, then I'm happy for them.
The big problem with the movie however, is that they made it seem like that if you were Christian then nothing unfortunate would happen to you, which is complete b.s... and then they show nonbelievers getting cancer, smashed car windows and even getting hit by a car... its that whole silly idea that only bad things happen to those who aren't Christian and personally, I've been "blessed" since I've requestioned my beliefs.
The Muslim father who disowned his daughter for believing in Jesus was interesting also... cause we never see that sort of thing happen in the Christian culture, right? ;) What about the kids who come out to their parents about there sexuality? Oh, but they won't bring up those things now, will they? ;)
The Christian life is not some peachy path to the divine source even though we see a lot of Christians faking it and pretending that everything is all peachy. You can have just as good of a life if you are a good person to others and even Athiest. I can tell you that my Athiest grandfather had a happy fulfilling life because he never thought less of people for their beliefs. He loved us with all of his heart and was always someone to be looked up to regardless of your religious beliefs.
This movie had so much manipulative bull s**t loaded into it that overall it was pretty bad. In response, I would say "divination is not dead, but some of these religious fanatics need to grow up and see the world for what it is."
Thanks.
Willey out!
First of all it was a little bit better than I had expected.. but it still was a terrible view on Christian culture and nonbelievers. The debates between the Christian student and Athiest professor were obviously the most intriguing parts of the movie which made me as an agnostic, feel more excited for the the Christian student in a sense that he was trying to show people that we are all a part of some divine plan.
I believe in a certain divine path for everyone but don't necessarily think it has to be Christianity as the basis of peoples beliefs. I personally was happy to see the classmates agree that God was not dead because as long as others are happy and fulfilled in their spiritual lives, then I'm happy for them.
The big problem with the movie however, is that they made it seem like that if you were Christian then nothing unfortunate would happen to you, which is complete b.s... and then they show nonbelievers getting cancer, smashed car windows and even getting hit by a car... its that whole silly idea that only bad things happen to those who aren't Christian and personally, I've been "blessed" since I've requestioned my beliefs.
The Muslim father who disowned his daughter for believing in Jesus was interesting also... cause we never see that sort of thing happen in the Christian culture, right? ;) What about the kids who come out to their parents about there sexuality? Oh, but they won't bring up those things now, will they? ;)
The Christian life is not some peachy path to the divine source even though we see a lot of Christians faking it and pretending that everything is all peachy. You can have just as good of a life if you are a good person to others and even Athiest. I can tell you that my Athiest grandfather had a happy fulfilling life because he never thought less of people for their beliefs. He loved us with all of his heart and was always someone to be looked up to regardless of your religious beliefs.
This movie had so much manipulative bull s**t loaded into it that overall it was pretty bad. In response, I would say "divination is not dead, but some of these religious fanatics need to grow up and see the world for what it is."
Thanks.
Willey out!
Thursday 1 May 2014
Is There a God?
It's been a number of months since my last post. I've been going through a lot of thinking and have finally come to a point where things are starting to click in for new blog posts. The big question on my mind these days, "Is there a God."
I really have no idea and I have come to the conclusion that no one reading this even knows. I have heard many times the automated response of the Christian community "I know in my heart that I'm right." But isn't saying this just another way of saying that you feel good about yourself for maintaining your current belief system?
There's also this idea that Christians often have that if anyone isn't on the same path as them, then their life will only get worse. What if I told you that I left the Christian faith and my life has gotten better ever since? not to say that I expect everyone to leave the Christian faith on my account. But it brings forth a very interesting question.
Does it matter what one's spiritual beliefs are in order to obtain a divine path in their own life? I would have to say that I strongly don't think that it matters which ancient God story you believe in (if any) as long as you are just being true to your inner self and sharing your magic with others around you in a loving and positive manner.
So obviously I ditched the idea of becoming more professionally involved with the church. A big reason why I decided to do so was that I wanted to be free of the fear of what people would think of me if I did certain things in my life. I'm fairly liberal I suppose and I have a bit of a crazy sense of humour which not everyone can appreciate. I just feel the need to be myself and continue with my silly YouTube projects even though I'm nearly 30. But i have a feeling that my new project, Homosexuligion is going to blow a lot of peeps away. In 2015 there will be another project as well.
I'll reveal more of what's been on my mind later. ;)
Willey out!
I really have no idea and I have come to the conclusion that no one reading this even knows. I have heard many times the automated response of the Christian community "I know in my heart that I'm right." But isn't saying this just another way of saying that you feel good about yourself for maintaining your current belief system?
There's also this idea that Christians often have that if anyone isn't on the same path as them, then their life will only get worse. What if I told you that I left the Christian faith and my life has gotten better ever since? not to say that I expect everyone to leave the Christian faith on my account. But it brings forth a very interesting question.
Does it matter what one's spiritual beliefs are in order to obtain a divine path in their own life? I would have to say that I strongly don't think that it matters which ancient God story you believe in (if any) as long as you are just being true to your inner self and sharing your magic with others around you in a loving and positive manner.
So obviously I ditched the idea of becoming more professionally involved with the church. A big reason why I decided to do so was that I wanted to be free of the fear of what people would think of me if I did certain things in my life. I'm fairly liberal I suppose and I have a bit of a crazy sense of humour which not everyone can appreciate. I just feel the need to be myself and continue with my silly YouTube projects even though I'm nearly 30. But i have a feeling that my new project, Homosexuligion is going to blow a lot of peeps away. In 2015 there will be another project as well.
I'll reveal more of what's been on my mind later. ;)
Willey out!
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