Haunted

I think of my past a lot.  My favourite moments of my life, friends who I miss hanging out with and even who I once was... These memories I hold onto, sometimes I wish I could go back to and relive my most cherished memories and it doesn't help that the world seems to lose goodness as we grow older.  Maybe everyone thinks the world was better when they were younger... Maybe I'm just running after these memories that haunt my heart because things just aren't the same.

You know, those memories that give you these unique feelings that we just can't describe?  And in the moment we don't even realize just how special those moments really are until we're haunted with replayed memories making us feel like our best moments have passed. I remember my friends in high school, running around the city like idiots, shooting fireworks at each other just not giving a shit about tomorrow.  Or even further back, when my extended family would have our holiday get together's at my grandparents' house, singing carols.  I remember going to Youth Groups, when I never really thought about such things as dogma or sins.  Just being a kid, doing things that kids normally do.

Then one day, responsibilities rush into our lives and things start to change faster and sooner.  Life gets harder, and sometimes even darker.  Day by day, finding it harder to fight our demons and fearing that our greatest nightmares will one day come true.  But the people we love, the people who are there for us, seem to make us want to fight our demons, because without them, where would we be?

I'm trying my best, day by day, to create even greater memories than the ones that haunt me.  I'm trying to have faith in my future and holding on to the people in my life that I create good, positive memories with.  I wonder, at the end of our lives, because all that we have are our haunting memories, will I be happy with the memories that I have?  Will my life feel fulfilled?  I'm trying my best to make sure it does.