Pondering My Existence

I often wonder why we're here and why the source of why we are here never seems to come forth and explain the big mystery.  Was our existence just all a fluke?  Or did we come from something divine? It all comes down to what you choose to believe I suppose because it's the one thing that always will remain a mystery in my eyes.

I really want to believe that we have divine plans in our lives and that each one of us was born at a certain time, a certain place and with certain people in our lives.  I'd like to think that we were created by something.  But I often slip in to this empty feeling of being lost in all of the theories and as a result, I'm left with a scary realisation that for the rest of my life, I will be pondering why I am here on this earth.

Of course there's my wonderful family and friends who have made my life something worth living and even wonderful for the most part.  They ease my mind of all of this pondering I have and for the moments I'm with them, nothing really matters but us.  The love and truths that are shared between us give me this happiness and encouragement of taking on my life further and further.

But if for some freak reason, everyone I knew and loved left me, what would I have?  Still left with all of these ideas of my existence and trying to make sense of it all while my ideas evolve further, until finally I'm at the end of my rope and I can really only rely on what I have come up with on my own for my beliefs.  But is it really ever enough?

There's so many theories and stories about why we are here and all of them seem to be different, but for the most part they all have similarities.  Maybe it's just because of how humans think or maybe it's just because we've found agreements with each other somewhere along the way.  But real knowledge of what happened, never comes forth.  Science and theories always re-evaluated and corrected.  Theories changing even more.  Whether your pro-religion or pro-science, we're all just lost in a sea of voices shouting out ideas about why we're here but nothing ever is for sure.

I wonder... If a God created us, why wouldn't he silence all of this yelling and screaming about our existence with an absolute unquestionable truth?  Are we ever truly "found" by God in a world where everyone seems to be lost in their theories of existence?  Or does it all make sense when we die?  Do all of the energy and thoughts not burn out, but transfer to a place beyond where the divine shows us the truth?  I have no idea and frankly it's all a little too mind boggling at times.

I guess I'll just continue to do the best with all that I have and all that I am... Because nothing else seems to work.