When I was a child,I felt Jesus guiding me through all of these really difficult times in my life. I prayed often and I valued the teaching I heard of this man who loved me, but yet was a perfect being and never would I get a feeling of hate towards him. Without him, I don't know if I would still be her today.
There were certain parts of me which I had heard wasn't acceptable with Jesus and that's where the distortion of my faith came into play often. Not just that I was a confused gay child, but also this energy that seemed to be not connected to that inspirational feeling I got from Jesus. Magic and the spiritual realm. I was often told that we shouldn't bother with "the occult" because it was evil.
So I suppressed it for many years until I began to dabble in it from time to time, which can be rather dangerous...
I've cast out a demon from a friend, experienced the spiritual parasites that drive you insane and also spooked myself out numerous times.These parasites I mention, they can drive you into this level of self loathing which indeed can push you to the brink of suicide. They put lies in your head and make you think everyone is talking about you. Delusions and bad luck curses that seem to never go away until you go through an intense ritual cleansing.
For me it was going back to Jesus. I felt comfortable with the idea because of this relationship I had with him before that I walked away from. But as time went by in the church, I realized that the Christian faith was only a symbol of safety in my spirituality and there was much more to explore. It's our own minds that open a trance to do the cleansing, the power within.
I had to make sense of my childhood and the spirituality which I had suppressed.
I came to the realization that I have always been a natural witch, but with the power of a witch, comes consequences with how you use it. Which was why I experienced darkness in my dabbling faze.
I'm in the light now, and have many blessing and good karma which comes my way often. My self confidence and pride is at an all time high.
I know many don't understand this path that i am on because it simply is not for everyone. And to all who understand me, and all who don't I will always say blessed be. Because I try my best not to wish harm on anyone.
I feel as if I've unlocked different parts of the entity I once called Jesus. The one I call the light of the world, or the God/Goddess of goodness.
I've explored my spirituality a lot and have come to realize the gift or touch i have with the spiritual realm. Sure it's not as strong as the Hollywood movies... :) but I have come a long way with my faith and spirituality and have become less judging of those who do not share the same spiritual beliefs as me...
However that is not to say that i don't have issues with people who try to stomp all over my happiness and love in my life.
Sure I judge those fellows at times but at least they are a little more deserving and I remind you all in saying that, that I am far from perfect and my spiritual path does not make me and more superior than you. This was just a gift that was given to me for a reason, and we all have those gifts. Mine just happens to be in communicating with the other side, which also isn't always going to be that accurate.
Now more than ever, I see that I often follow the left hand path and that I often go against the grain but in a manner of love and goodness. I see people who have so much potential in life for greatness and respect. Sometimes I feel that some parts of their current religion is holding them back in their spirituality but I will never try to push them, because I know that things happen in their life on their own time.
So I'm pretty sure that it was never the Jesus entity that I felt but definitely felt something with me all of my life and which ever divine power is with me, I am thankful for what it has done for me in my life and in giving me peace of mind in life constantly.