I've come to a realization that I have been holding all of this resentment inside towards those who choose to have beliefs which discriminate people living lives in which they do not understand.. All because of a doctrine which they follow, in my opinion, too closely. It hasn't been an easy walk while dealing with religious individuals whom treat me like a project in which they constantly pray for "my salvation". Preying on me like their own personal golden star, a success story to add to their community all because they want their faith community to succeed...
So what ever happened to just being a friend because you genuinely like a person and just simply "click" with them? Because honestly I find it much kinder to just admit that we have nothing in common rather than playing these games in order to strengthen your religious organization. Let me be the honest one to say, I usually only help those who I care about. Hell, I can't help everyone and one person can only do so much. Or is that why you think that your faith community is majorly important? Well sure, I admit I've received help from the church in troubled times, but it never came without certain expectations. There was always some underlying agenda which I find very disrespectful.
There is also the fact that many of these organized religious folk, put many friends whom they click with to the side all because they don't follow the same beliefs with them. Those are the people who you should be helping. Your friends who you have a special connection with and not just being special mission greeters with an agenda to put a mythological God into someone's life in order to look good in your church... because I understand that it wouldn't look good for you to associate with that friend you set aside... the one who smokes pot, the one who's gay, the who had an abortion, the one who continues to prostitute themselves or the ones who deal marijuana to their friends... Did you ever stop to think that they're not listening to your crap because they feel looked down upon? Well that is often what happens when you associate with a faith community.
There are however a few people here and there in faith communities who I feel are the true "Saints". Not the pastor superstars who play it safe and by the book everywhere they go... The ones who take risks, who are different and are willing to put their reputation on the line for someone they genuinely love and care about. But often they get fed up with their communities and leave the church while the majority of their former communities no longer want anything to do with them. And that is the major problem in faith communities. That there rarely are ever genuine friends who really love you. It's all about the meet, greet and attempt to save cycle so that they get their golden star in their communities, while the people who they should be helping, they put aside, because they don't want their silly reputations to be threatened.
God does not guide places of worship, they are mainly systematic ways of surviving in a time where people have grown tired. Tired of people who claim to have faith who have lost the importance of community outside their four walls.
I struggle with this resentment often... I don't want to grow old and bitter towards people who believe a certain way... I find it so unbelievably hard because even when I sit down and try to make things right with old friends from churches I've gone to, there are certain things which bother me internally which I think about constantly. It's something I really need to work on, because I find it quite negative and I want to shine a brighter energy. Sure, I'm against the grain a lot but I still have this beauty inside me and hope to make things better in my life for myself and all those people I love around me... Whether we have different beliefs or not...
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