“I want you to know that I'm praying for you”, it's a line we hear a lot in the LGBTQ community from family, pastors, activists, politicians, etc. Some of us may find the sentiment of this line loving but often times, most of us are left wondering exactly what these people are praying for. With some people it’s obvious that they are praying for our salvation which to them seems loving but when we look at the psychological effects of such prayers or upbringing, we begin to realize how unloving it really is.
Of course we first have to start by looking at this in their point of view, that a sinful lifestyle is a threat to the salvation of the person they are praying for, thus harmful to their journey here and into the afterlife. Some would say that it’s the most loving thing they could possibly do when they see a loved one lost in a world of sinners. But where it becomes truly unloving, is when a person becomes so narrow minded of their own beliefs that they won’t even bother hearing our passions of the heart within their spiritual community. Not that we shouldn’t understand the why of this attitude, which they think if they believe in one alternate reality which does not line up with the dogma of their sole religion, then it may be a slippery slope and supporting LGBTQ people may cause a domino effect of misguided beliefs. Thus being a threat to their very own salvation, however how does this religious psyche consider the feelings and love of others?
It’s also the relationship one forms with their Divine Presence in their eyes. They feel an intimacy with their God when following the beliefs which they were raised on, but ultimately the feelings they have about these beliefs have formed because they were raised on them. It’s no secret that when a child is exposed to certain surroundings that it shapes them in who they are today. Between the ages of 7 and 10 we are most impressionable because we have started to understand the theories being taught to us. While we start to feel enlightenment which is a basic human function that often becomes confused with intimacy with the Holy Spirit. I’ve been there and I know exactly what that is like, to where the evangelicals told me enlightenment from God was him holding me in his arms of love. Followed by a self-righteousness which gets confused with an only path to God, even though we are sinners and we all struggle. But those sins are apparently forgiven when we are on that path, and our sinful struggles are not as bad as long as we strive towards our salvation. Causing even more corruption in the church when people use the Devil as a scapegoat and give the responsibility for their actions up to God.
There’s no proof that they’re right for following this path, but there’s also no proof that they aren’t. So they become stuck in this limbo where even if they have the occasional desire to support the LGBTQ community, it gets tangled in the “if’s”, “and’s” & “but’s” of their belief system. Freewill is very limited for a person like that, and it’s become one of history’s greatest tragedies that mind control comes before loving your neighbour in religion. When around every fifty years Christian denominations make changes to their dogmas due to new understandings, it’s the LGBTQ community whom has taken the longest to receive apologies from church communities. Let us not forget that slavery was once considered righteously sound and when today Christians look back with sorrow, that still even today they remain under control of the Devil within their own communities. The Devil simply being the politics in which shows injustice to all of those within the LGBTQ community who are treated as less of human beings because of fear.
I’ve often heard Christians say “I don’t fear the LGBTQ community but…” and while they may not be afraid of our existence, they still are afraid that our ideas may infect their homes. That heaven forbid, their children listen to us with sincere hearts and that they may not believe everything that lies within their belief systems. Our civil rights movement has become something of an inconvenience to them, and that’s the ultimate reason why there are so many hateful Christians within their churches. But also why there are so many hateful people within the LGBTQ community… That’s right, many of us have expressed extreme hatred towards Christians, and while I do not condone acts of hatred… On the other hand it’s human nature for a backlash to happen when so many Christians have filled our heads with fearful echoes which has taught us to hate ourselves for basic human emotions and desires we have which we cannot change.
Not even ex-gay therapy admits to taking those desires away but only changing the ways in which we might conduct our behaviors. In other words, anyone who has gone through such therapy, is still gay and only submits to the enlightened notion to be with a woman or celibacy. All because old text from religions of ancient people who viewed us as different, began to fear us. The word homosexuality was not even in the first English translations, but referred to effeminacy most likely referred to pedophile slave enablers of prepubescent boys. Never has the bible ever referred to same-sex couples in loving relationships, or transgender people who had the ability to change their born-sex in a safe manner.
It’s bullying to tell someone to love themselves or their neighbour but to put limitations on that love because their lover has the wrong body part or they do themselves, pure and simple. But fake radical Christian love isn’t patient or kind, it’s merely a feeling of inconvenience and indifference. It’s pitying those whom they think are living lifestyles which threaten their salvation, even when it has become psychologically sound by doctors who follow their basic professional guidelines and standards to not look at us as disordered. When in all reality, the only intrinsic disorder involving LGBTQ people in regards to religion, is the so-called love they claim. Which leads to hate and indifference from both sides of the coin.
So thanks for the gesture which you deem as love, but I don’t need your pity and by pitying my husband and me, we earned more of a right to pity you. Because we’ve already experienced the narrow walls of the church and we once believed the echoes within. But you have no idea what it’s like to fully embrace the human experience and your indifferent attitudes are far worse than hate. Because we believed you to the point of suicidal tendencies which told us that if our salvation was threatened by emotions and desires which become too powerful to itch, then there is no point of waiting for our inevitable doom. Some of us would rather die than to live through the denial of our loving expressions or who we are, because if we take those away, then it feels like we’re not really there inside but just living a life in auto-pilot through our own personal Hell. Eat, pray, sin, repent, repeat but with no enjoyment in life. With temporary enlightenment of the path we may live, while the big issues which lie within human nature which really matter to us are simply the void of our salvation, while they psychologically outweigh the passion we could possibly have for your religion.
Yes, some people seem to enjoy church, they enjoy all sorts of characteristics of their religion. But think of it as a hobby, because after all there are some things one person likes while another person likes something totally different. Like our sexual orientation or inner gender, we can not choose certain aspects of who we are. Some of us simply don’t like going to church and others don’t have the interest of applying religion into their lives at all. If the kind of Christian I mention in this blog is right, I have some serious doubts on how perfect this God really is… No one can deny the psychological ramifications which Christian culture has had on the LGBTQ community, because until you’ve lived the life of seeking love, yet shaming yourself for it, then you have no right be as arrogant as to slip in your religious comments such as “I continue to pray for you.”
I continue to bind the arrogant energy of those prayers, while my husband just doesn’t care if someone is praying for us in that manner. I consider the energy in such prayers hexes and unless we believe in them, they continue to have no effect over us. And I won’t believe in a Divine Entity which wishes us to be so inhuman as to cut off the feelings and desires of life which should be celebrated. Because in any other person’s life it’s perfectly acceptable, but in ours, even though we’re married, we have to put boundaries on basic human expressions of love in order to allow God to save us. Keep waiting for your miracles because they’re never going to happen. Or better yet, give your head a shake and stop assuming you have better answers to journeys which you are not walking in. Once you have done this, you will have progressed in society and begun tackling your sin of homophobia.