I recently visited with an Anglican friend who is looking to get the ball rolling with LGTBQ activism for those who have unresolved issues or feelings within the church, Christian or not. I was extremely nervous, because I knew that some of the things we would be discussing, might make me emotional. Which it did…
My spur of emotions started when she asked me simply out of curiosity, with no ulterior motive, why I swore off of the Christian God altogether. I told her something I hadn’t fully put together until recently. That when I started calling my Divine relationship “Jesus”, that there was psychological baggage that came with it because of past experiences in religion.
I never enjoyed going to church as a Catholic child, but for some reason I enjoyed my intimate relationship with what I referred to as “Jesus”. Then the evangelical mess happened which of course you can read about in my book, and those experiences of manipulation really effected my “Jesus World”. I wasn’t myself, and even when I took a break and came back to the church while out of the closet, I still wasn’t myself… The name “Jesus” became a curse to my intimacy with the Divine because of the negative power it had over me.
She asked me if I missed being a Christian… I cried and said that I missed it. Why did I cry when there were so many negative experiences in my past? Because I wanted to be that light in people’s lives that inspires them to be their true selves while embracing their love of “Jesus”. But I couldn’t be myself in my “Jesus World”, and when I began the path to ministry work, I stopped. I could tell I was shifting my personality even more and it wasn’t even anyone’s fault at the Cathedral I was attending. They treated me very well, I was valued by them and being gay wasn’t sinful in their eyes. Saskatoon is very lucky to have such accepting Anglicans, with the exception of one congregation which is quite homophobic because of the priest who resides there.
The way I saw it, once I had awoken my inner-child and started over with spirituality, is that there is no real proof of who’s right about religion. So believe in something which will give you a positive experience in spirituality. I love that the Moon Goddess especially inspires me to strengthen my wisdom, while the Sun God inspires me to make that wisdom alive in my journey. How the God and Goddess change as the seasons turn makes me feel beauty in the Divine. I know that I can do as I will while doing no harm, and have good karma return to me, which makes me feel that I can simply be all that I can be, with little baggage. The only baggage now, is how others perceive me as a witch, but their opinions simply don’t matter to me because I am no longer in my “Jesus World”.
I recently walked in the Pride Parade with my Anglican friends as I will be supporting them and others in their new journey, and providing them with the wisdom that they seek. I’ll feel safe as long as I wear my pentacle and stay grounded within my “Witch World”. It’s time for me to heal souls in my own way, and help detoxify the abuse experienced in Christianity. I hope they can do what I was unable to do and find a way back into their faith. But if not, of course I’ll tell them that there are other options by sharing my story. My Anglican friend let me know that this group would not be about trying to make everyone Christian, but just to simply heal and help people find the courage which we have found in order to be themselves.