Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Emotionally Crucified

“Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.”

Sounds familiar to the Christian community, doesn’t it?  However sometimes events happen in our lives in which forgiveness is impossible.  In broken homes, the backstabbing of a friend, or even being brainwashed by a church.  We may try to forgive them, even just for the sake of a weight being lifted off of our own shoulders.  But it never quite changes the stale memory of the people who hurt us, thus we’ve seen a side of them in which we are unsure about.  Who else are they hurting in this way?  Will they ever grow up?  Sometimes they never do which makes it even harder to forgive them.

Of course there are ways we can meet our abusers half way, like just trying to understand them on a personal level.  At least it’s the next best thing, right?  This may allow us to let certain things go, but that memory is still there.  Attempting to forgive people who refuse to change their ways is a lot like talking to a brick wall.  Nothing ever gets through and in my life I’ve witnessed this too many times due to religious beliefs, even though those beliefs are evermore hurtful to those who wish to do no harm and just be themselves.

Sure, I poke fun at religion at times, it’s my way to find humorous release in my life in order to cope with the abusers in my life.  Our mothers’ advice is that if you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say it at all.  That means keep any negative thoughts about one’s life to yourself, because if you let that energy out to a person whom you haven’t walked in their shoes, then they know what you think of them and pretty soon you’ll realize what they think of you.  They will just assume you’re an atypical arrogant seat warming bible thumper in the church with no real inspiration to grow in a spiritual manner in order to love your fellow neighbour.

Where abuse comes into play, is when you start giving someone unwanted attention.  This means that if a Pastor decides to arrogantly talk about homosexuality as a “sin”, then that unwanted energy towards the LGBTQ community is abuse.  There’s always someone in their own congregation struggling with who they are, and when those words are spoken they stab the well being of someone listening like knives in the heart.  What kind of spiritual relationship do you expect someone to have with the Divine if that’s the kind of dialogue used in relation to someone like them?

I have not forgiven anyone who thinks that way about me.  My sexuality is NOT the struggle, it’s forgiving those with such pitiful beliefs.  How could any reasonable person believe that after all?  A part of me says that I don’t give a flying fuck about what people think of me but that comes with an exception.  I care when it’s a friend who I have respect for and once they tell me what they think about the life that I live, it’s like poison eating away our relationship because suddenly my opinions don’t matter as much as their hurtful beliefs.  The fear in their hearts lead to an indifference to people like me and that is something that I find unforgivable.

I have Christian friends and one of my best friends is a Priest who visits me almost every week.  We watch movies together and he plays with my cat.  Friends like him really show me the “love of Jesus” because nothing he has ever said to me has been hurtful.  Those are the best friends which one could possibly have I believe, where differences simply don’t matter because there’s something much more important than the intruding fear of one’s salvation.  The love for your neighbour which includes the respect for different beliefs.

When I poke fun at Christianity, it at times may seem disrespectful.  However if you meet me half way, you’ll likely see why I do what I do at times and likely will learn that it’s not something I do out of disrespect for all of Christianity.  I mentioned it’s a coping mechanism at times but it’s also a way to show my disrespect to the arrogant “believers”.  The ones who judge me from the outside rather than the ones who take an impact in my life.  So if you find yourself unhappy with me because of things I post on Facebook, I really should remind you that unless you have taken initiative to be there for me in my personal life, then you don’t really have the right to be upset with me…  That’s something I learned along time ago in regards to religious and political posts and I wish the same for all of you.  Maybe in time I’ll forgive you as well.

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