Friday, 20 December 2013

Religious Homophobia Could Have Cost Me My Life

Have you ever been at such an all time low that you considered killing yourself?  About 5 years ago I was considering doing so.  Although I have been blessed with a very accepting family of my same-sex attractions and love, there were still many harmful things being said around me and unfortunately it continues even today.

I remember at my Catholic high school where often people looked down upon being gay and for the first two years I was overall fine with being gay.  I was just scared of how classmates would react to such a topic.  Would I be bullied?  Most likely.

It wasn't until my friends invited me to some church events from more fundamentalist churches when I began to ponder whether or not it would be fine to be in a relationship with another boy more often and seriously.  I remember wondering that since my parents didn't go to church that often, that maybe those who did had a better idea about the topic.  Thus creating an internal battle which eventually would lead to a dark period of my life in which suicide would seem viable.

I went to a few different churches with friends, all of which were fundamentalist.  God had been a very huge part of my life prior to these church visits and I wondered if I could get closer to him by considering what other Christ followers had to say.  I went to an Alliance church regularly in my early 20's and this church seemed to do the most harm to me as I became more committed to the infectious ideologies which they produced.  It wasn't until I fell deeply in love with another male who attended the same church, that I began to realize that this passion in my body, mind and soul would never go away.

Even after "coming out" to my friends and family there was still a feeling of brokenness due to the harmful ideologies which infected my spirit.  Which eventually caused me to no longer want Christianity in my life and I then dabbled into another religion in an unhealthy manner.  Not being cautious enough to understand the dangers in dabbling in Witchcraft lead me so far away from God that I eventually had lost the sense of love that I had felt before for men.  Promiscuity and drinking took it's toll and then there was this moment in my life that I was ready to end it all by jumping off of a bridge.  However, through friends and other people, I started to remember that the last time I was happy was when I was a Christian.

My love for other men is such a huge part of me that without it, I am not myself.  I have this longing that I feel the need to fulfill and the fact that there are still people today infecting people with these sinful ideologies, makes me realize that for a religion with a God who asks us to love...  Then where is the empathy for people who have this love in their hearts and find it too much of a burden to give up on?

If these people really understood what it is like to be someone born with these passions and feel a calling to fulfill them in a loving manner, then this world could have a chance to beat homophobia.  Don't deny you're calling of love!  I just don't see why it would matter to God which body parts your soul mate was born with as long as it's a healthy relationship.  If there are people who are called to lives of celibacy and are an exception to procreation, then why shouldn't loving same sex relationships have that very same exception?

Sometimes our passions are too strong to refuse and it really makes no sense to me why gays shouldn't be allowed to share passions with their soul mates.  It's all about taking away the fear of probable sinning and replacing it with love.  I don't know how many times I have to write it out for people and it doesn't get across their heads.

I'm a male Christian again, now with a boyfriend and life is so much better with him by my side.  Nothing could ever make me give this up now because I see now that a life of love is much better than a life with fear.

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