We live in a world where whenever you do something or act in a certain way, you are always judged on whether or not people will support you. We all have done it and continue to do it. From the church member who hears someone swearing and doesn't want to be associated with them, to the "down to earth" fellow who despises a person for seeming too "holier than thou". We all let disagreements of how we should behave base how involved we should be around each other. Even when we know that the truest way to love is to support them even when you don't agree with someone.
The problem is that somewhere along our walks in life we've developed certain sensitivities to certain ways of life or subjects that people feel so strongly about. I in fact find myself experiencing great discomfort when even entertaining the idea of walking through the doors of churches where I've felt mistreated. I always assume that if I did so, that I would meet the same kind of people who hurt me in the past and that my intolerance for such behaviors would then pressure me to make others feel uncomfortable or hurt, And what would be the point now that I no longer support the story of Jesus as a reality in my life?
When I was younger, I had so much hope for reconciling with everyone in my life. Although people saw through me as just another Christian trying to do good things for the sake of being a "good Christian". Whereas inside I was blocking out my true emotions and when I had accepted this issue, all of my hurts came out like a storm. My comments of insecurity hitting people like a lightning bolt with the aftermath of our arguments which were like the thunder of these horrendous storms. What was the point in arguing when they never were willing to understand me in the first place?
The only answer was to begin acting like myself and not a product of Christianity. In doing so, finding my true spiritual path where I learned to balance my emotions rather than trying to be this supporter of all when all I was doing was pretending to care for people who I had very little interest in. Things seem to be getting better with all of the magic in my life where the big desires simply fall into place. Like casting a spell without saying anything because I had put so much energy into my dreams already.
My favorite "happily ever after" dream coming true on October 3rd and it feels as though the stars in the sky have reached down to guide me. Where there's darkness in my life, I know that the stars will shine and soon after the sun will rise where a new path will begin. And as I walk down this bright path, I know that the darkness will come again but I trust in the stars to guide me and thank the Gods for making it all possible.
Where the Christian faith has vanished in my life, a deeper faith has unraveled and I feel the best I've every felt.