I Still Am a Man of Faith

Let me clarify something that I'm sure many of my friends and family have been wondering.  Yes, i walk a path that is somewhat taboo in Christianity.  I practice witchcraft, I cast the odd spell, I use Ouija boards, I call the corners and I believe that our universe has ancient powers that the divine has produced for us.  I would not call myself a Christian even though I've had so much social success in my past with the Christian community.  I've definitely done what I needed to do in the church and since have been remaining truer to myself and digging into my mind on what spirituality really means to me.

Why am I not a Christian?  It's not as if I completely shut the door on the Christian faith.  I just have so many doubts about Christianity after what I have been through with the church and what I've learned about religious history.  When I look to how the church operates, I haven't seen much spirituality rather than a political movement which is not spiritually led but only based on what is socially acceptable within their groups of minsiters.

What about what Jesus has done for me in my life?  I'm unsure if this is Jesus or something more ancient than the Jesus story.  Spirituality didn't start with Christianity thus I cannot be certain that the Christian god is the all knowing source in which I've been so blessed in my life.  But I'm not narrow minded.  I will participate in Christian services if someone wants me to be there with them.

I have more faith in the ancient religions like paganism and although Wicca isn't as old as Christianity, it still strikes the ancient spiritual notes in my heart which is a pagan path.  Maybe I'm an old soul or maybe it's just my personality but ever since I walked this path, I've been much truer to myself and things are finally falling into place for me.

I am a man of faith.  I have faith that Christianity can bring goodness and blessings into your life if that is the path for you.  Just like I have faith in my walk.  My walk isn't always perfect just like how the church isn't always perfect.  But we all want to find the answers within ourselves and if Christianity does that for you then so be it.  But I no longer seek the spiritual answers I used to in that path... it's simply not enough for me.  I do however ponder certain logic in the Christian community.

I have faith in a walk that has brought me into a deeper understanding of myself which I'm sure Christianity does for others.  let's just agree to disagree on certain theologies and simply love each other.  The only things I won't put up with are arrogant comments against the path i walk, because that is not love but only fear of something you do not understand.

How He Fits So Perfectly into My Life

In the past I’ve had my share of short term boyfriends and even one night stands but at some point I had a strong desire to better my life by preserving my dignity.  I eventually stopped taking boys home after those crazy nights in the bars and finally decided to give my life to love.  There was a fellow that I dated for about a year who I gave a lot of my love to and who was there for me in support whenever he could be.  But his desire for love was a little bit different than mine.  He didn’t seem to want to commit on the level that I did.  I wanted us to move in together while he preferred to maintain a life of being content with love he shared for individuals and staying attached to past lovers.  There was no room for growth in a relationship with him.

After we parted ways, I became even more motivated for the “church life” as an outspoken gay advocate while attending religious support groups for the “queer” community.  I was in the news for a protest against the message of celibacy as being the only option for gay Christians and there was interest of me becoming some sort of minister in the Anglican Church.  But my subconscious self was crying for self-love and discovery of my inner-self.  I’d soon realize that the only reason why I desired the Christian life so much was because of the respect I got from others whereas I struggled to truly believe in the story of Jesus.   Whereas the leaders of churches whom I desired respect from usually were not worthy of my very own respect.  I would “choose to believe” although, my doubts became rather strong and I was entering a period of my life where I would reevaluate my place in this world and the spirituality within myself which I had been repressing since I was a child.

As I unlocked memories from my childhood I came to the ultimate realization that I was born to be different.  I was born to be on a spiritual path that although some frown upon it, brings out my spiritual gifts in the purest form and my mind to ease as my mind will never ache of my struggles to understand “morality”.  My Life is about allowing myself to do the things I want to do while harming none, the belief in a spiritual magic that comes from within which helps all of my dreams come into place as I stay true to myself and the universe.  Yes, I am the Witch that lives my life in the light while I do not shame myself on my flaws and find beauty in myself as a whole.  It wasn’t until I really understood how to love myself that I found a loving relationship in the purest form with my future Husband to be, Josh.

While I remained rather celibate after a short relationship, I had this app on my phone with guys who wanted nothing more than hookups.  Through all of the temping promiscuity of this dating app, I went on a date with a younger fellow who was lost in a life where he had been abused and used spiritually and in relationships.  He lived with a Catholic family who frowned upon being gay and the only person he really loved cheated on him with many.  He has no beliefs regarding religion and in our relationship, it simply does not matter.

There we sat in “Tim Hortons” and while I first saw him with these “lost eyes”, I saw them come alive with hope, excitement, happiness and even love at first sight.  We shared our life stories and really listened to each other.  We laughed and shared hardships and to this day we still do.

We moved in together after a half a year and just before the Winter Solstice, we announced that we are getting married.  The happiness and love filled within our home is unbreakable and the only nightmares we have are the ones where we lose each other.  We always tell each other “I never want to lose you” or “you’re my forever”.

He’s told me “I’m not even sure that I’d still be here if you hadn’t come into my life,” as he felt no love in his past, very few exceptions.  He was so lost that not even religion or faith could save him.  I’m there beside him every night, sometimes just holding his hand telling him how much I truly love him.

He’s what I always wanted.  I grew up feeling like there was something wrong with me because I was so different.  Not just that I’m gay, but spiritually as well.  Other kids saw me as different and a loner and bullied me because of my unique ways that I expressed myself.  I grew up with girls in my home and what I really wanted was a boy to be close to because I simply didn’t have very many guys to be close to in my life.  The few I did, never wanted to be as close to me as I wanted to with them.  I happened to be sexually attracted to them, but they never had those feelings for me.  But as you can see, things usually don’t fall into place unless you truly rejoice and embrace every single part of your living soul.

My New Faith and Subconscious Spell Casting

We live in a world where whenever you do something or act in a certain way, you are always judged on whether or not people will support you.  We all have done it and continue to do it.  From the church member who hears someone swearing and doesn't want to be associated with them, to the "down to earth" fellow who despises a person for seeming too "holier than thou".  We all let disagreements of how we should behave base how involved we should be around each other.  Even when we know that the truest way to love is to support them even when you don't agree with someone.

The problem is that somewhere along our walks in life we've developed certain sensitivities to certain ways of life or subjects that people feel so strongly about.  I in fact find myself experiencing great discomfort when even entertaining the idea of walking through the doors of churches where I've felt mistreated.  I always assume that if I did so, that I would meet the same kind of people who hurt me in the past and that my intolerance for such behaviors would then pressure me to make others feel uncomfortable or hurt,  And what would be the point now that I no longer support the story of Jesus as a reality in my life?

When I was younger, I had so much hope for reconciling with everyone in my life.  Although people saw through me as just another Christian trying to do good things for the sake of being a "good Christian".  Whereas inside I was blocking out my true emotions and when I had accepted this issue, all of my hurts came out like a storm.  My comments of insecurity hitting people like a lightning bolt with the aftermath of our arguments which were like the thunder of these horrendous storms.  What was the point in arguing when they never were willing to understand me in the first place?

The only answer was to begin acting like myself and not a product of Christianity.  In doing so, finding my true spiritual path where I learned to balance my emotions rather than trying to be this supporter of all when all I was doing was pretending to care for people who I had very little interest in.  Things seem to be getting better with all of the magic in my life where the big desires simply fall into place.  Like casting a spell without saying anything because I had put so much energy into my dreams already.

My favorite "happily ever after" dream coming true on October 3rd and it feels as though the stars in the sky have reached down to guide me.  Where there's darkness in my life, I know that the stars will shine and soon after the sun will rise where a new path will begin.  And as I walk down this bright path, I know that the darkness will come again but I trust in the stars to guide me and thank the Gods for making it all possible.

Where the Christian faith has vanished in my life, a deeper faith has unraveled and I feel the best I've every felt.

Blessed be.

A Church's Response to My Blog

Recently I was asked to attend a Church service in regards to my experience with Circle Drive Alliance Church.  I will be giving insight on what it means to be welcoming as a congregation.

Resenting the Religous Inconsiderates

I've come to a realization that I have been holding all of this resentment inside towards those who choose to have beliefs which discriminate people living lives in which they do not understand.. All because of a doctrine which they follow, in my opinion, too closely. It hasn't been an easy walk while dealing with religious individuals whom treat me like a project in which they constantly pray for "my salvation". Preying on me like their own personal golden star, a success story to add to their community all because they want their faith community to succeed...

So what ever happened to just being a friend because you genuinely like a person and just simply "click" with them? Because honestly I find it much kinder to just admit that we have nothing in common rather than playing these games in order to strengthen your religious organization. Let me be the honest one to say, I usually only help those who I care about. Hell, I can't help everyone and one person can only do so much. Or is that why you think that your faith community is majorly important? Well sure, I admit I've received help from the church in troubled times, but it never came without certain expectations. There was always some underlying agenda which I find very disrespectful.

There is also the fact that many of these organized religious folk, put many friends whom they click with to the side all because they don't follow the same beliefs with them. Those are the people who you should be helping. Your friends who you have a special connection with and not just being special mission greeters with an agenda to put a mythological God into someone's life in order to look good in your church... because I understand that it wouldn't look good for you to associate with that friend you set aside... the one who smokes pot, the one who's gay, the who had an abortion, the one who continues to prostitute themselves or the ones who deal marijuana to their friends... Did you ever stop to think that they're not listening to your crap because they feel looked down upon? Well that is often what happens when you associate with a faith community.

There are however a few people here and there in faith communities who I feel are the true "Saints". Not the pastor superstars who play it safe and by the book everywhere they go... The ones who take risks, who are different and are willing to put their reputation on the line for someone they genuinely love and care about. But often they get fed up with their communities and leave the church while the majority of their former communities no longer want anything to do with them. And that is the major problem in faith communities. That there rarely are ever genuine friends who really love you. It's all about the meet, greet and attempt to save cycle so that they get their golden star in their communities, while the people who they should be helping, they put aside, because they don't want their silly reputations to be threatened.

God does not guide places of worship, they are mainly systematic ways of surviving in a time where people have grown tired. Tired of people who claim to have faith who have lost the importance of community outside their four walls.

I struggle with this resentment often... I don't want to grow old and bitter towards people who believe a certain way... I find it so unbelievably hard because even when I sit down and try to make things right with old friends from churches I've gone to, there are certain things which bother me internally which I think about constantly. It's something I really need to work on, because I find it quite negative and I want to shine a brighter energy. Sure, I'm against the grain a lot but I still have this beauty inside me and hope to make things better in my life for myself and all those people I love around me... Whether we have different beliefs or not...

I Thought It Was Jesus

When I was a child,I felt Jesus guiding me through all of these really difficult times in my life. I prayed often and I valued the teaching I heard of this man who loved me, but yet was a perfect being and never would I get a feeling of hate towards him. Without him, I don't know if I would still be her today.

There were certain parts of me which I had heard wasn't acceptable with Jesus and that's where the distortion of my faith came into play often. Not just that I was a confused gay child, but also this energy that seemed to be not connected to that inspirational feeling I got from Jesus. Magic and the spiritual realm. I was often told that we shouldn't bother with "the occult" because it was evil. So I suppressed it for many years until I began to dabble in it from time to time, which can be rather dangerous...

I've cast out a demon from a friend, experienced the spiritual parasites that drive you insane and also spooked myself out numerous times.These parasites I mention, they can drive you into this level of self loathing which indeed can push you to the brink of suicide. They put lies in your head and make you think everyone is talking about you. Delusions and bad luck curses that seem to never go away until you go through an intense ritual cleansing.

For me it was going back to Jesus. I felt comfortable with the idea because of this relationship I had with him before that I walked away from. But as time went by in the church, I realized that the Christian faith was only a symbol of safety in my spirituality and there was much more to explore. It's our own minds that open a trance to do the cleansing, the power within. I had to make sense of my childhood and the spirituality which I had suppressed.

I came to the realization that I have always been a natural witch, but with the power of a witch, comes consequences with how you use it. Which was why I experienced darkness in my dabbling faze. I'm in the light now, and have many blessing and good karma which comes my way often. My self confidence and pride is at an all time high.

I know many don't understand this path that i am on because it simply is not for everyone. And to all who understand me, and all who don't I will always say blessed be. Because I try my best not to wish harm on anyone. I feel as if I've unlocked different parts of the entity I once called Jesus. The one I call the light of the world, or the God/Goddess of goodness.

I've explored my spirituality a lot and have come to realize the gift or touch i have with the spiritual realm. Sure it's not as strong as the Hollywood movies... :) but I have come a long way with my faith and spirituality and have become less judging of those who do not share the same spiritual beliefs as me... However that is not to say that i don't have issues with people who try to stomp all over my happiness and love in my life.

Sure I judge those fellows at times but at least they are a little more deserving and I remind you all in saying that, that I am far from perfect and my spiritual path does not make me and more superior than you. This was just a gift that was given to me for a reason, and we all have those gifts. Mine just happens to be in communicating with the other side, which also isn't always going to be that accurate.

Now more than ever, I see that I often follow the left hand path and that I often go against the grain but in a manner of love and goodness. I see people who have so much potential in life for greatness and respect. Sometimes I feel that some parts of their current religion is holding them back in their spirituality but I will never try to push them, because I know that things happen in their life on their own time.

So I'm pretty sure that it was never the Jesus entity that I felt but definitely felt something with me all of my life and which ever divine power is with me, I am thankful for what it has done for me in my life and in giving me peace of mind in life constantly.

Life Lessons of a Witch

From the power of the sun, to the power of the moon, we are meant to be.
From the love of the people, to the love of the Goddess, we are meant to live.
From the life of our bodies, to the power within our souls, we have the power to change lives.
From the earth and the air, to the fire and the water, the Divine shine's their light upon us.


The power within each and every one of us has the potential to be contagious, so be careful how you use it.

Be strong in your times of trial and be true self to those around you.

There are many people who are lost in the darkness in life, so when you can, nurture their pain and love them for all they are.

Be cautious to those who take advantage and only accept what you deserve.

If someone dare manipulate you, take time to process your inner self.

To be strong is to have courage for self and the others who provide goodness around you.

Balance your time in accordance to those who provide your need for comfort and to those who need your comfort.

Let the universe guide you to your blessed destinations and when you get there, remember to say,

Blessed be.