From the power of the sun, to the power of the moon, we are meant to be.
From the love of the people, to the love of the Goddess, we are meant to live.
From the life of our bodies, to the power within our souls, we have the power to change lives.
From the earth and the air, to the fire and the water, the Divine shine's their light upon us.
The power within each and every one of us has the potential to be contagious, so be careful how you use it.
Be strong in your times of trial and be true self to those around you.
There are many people who are lost in the darkness in life, so when you can, nurture their pain and love them for all they are.
Be cautious to those who take advantage and only accept what you deserve.
If someone dare manipulate you, take time to process your inner self.
To be strong is to have courage for self and the others who provide goodness around you.
Balance your time in accordance to those who provide your need for comfort and to those who need your comfort.
Let the universe guide you to your blessed destinations and when you get there, remember to say,
Blessed be.
Tuesday, 9 September 2014
Tuesday, 2 September 2014
Why Did I "Walk Away From Jesus"?
Who are we to tell another what is right and wrong in their lives? If they are happy and not doing any harm to themselves or others around them, then I don't think that we should point fingers at them. "Oh, but God says what they are doing is wrong," the religious tell us. How sure are you? Are any of us sure about what we're doing here on this earth? Life is hard enough at times and what we should be really focused on as humans is being there for people regardless of what kind of "walk of life" we are walking.
On the day I posted my final blog on Circle Drive Alliance Church, I went for coffee with one of the only guys who still visits with me from CDAC. He's a very loving friend of mine and although we don't see eye to eye on the bible and homosexuality, he's always there if he's free and I need him.
On this particular visit we voiced our opinions and I went back into the Christian psyche in order to level with him. I imagine he had a lot on the mind about the blogs I wrote recently which is fine and I have no hard feelings about the discussion we had. He's the kind of Christian who believes in the "born again" method of Christianity and that when you read the bible, God speaks to you through it.
My point was that the bible is inaccurate and that we cannot base scripture at face value on "Truth".
We both made our points and at the end of our bible discussion, we were in his truck awhile I was a bit upset about hearing those homophobic echoes of the church. I told him "this is exactly one reason why I have no desire for Christianity anymore. Because of shitty arguments like these." I just can't mentally handle this anti-gay conservative war on my civil rights and position in the church anymore. It also strikes a huge note in my heart every time I hear those echoes and this hurt on my shoulders that I am trying to heal really gets to me.
My friend somewhat agreed and while all of these feelings were stirring up inside me, I broke down and cried. I remembered how happy I used to be when I was a youth leader, before I "came out" and hadn't struggled with the church on such a big level. I told him "I needed to tell people about my sexuality because I was going crazy inside with such a huge secret...' I can't help how I feel inside and I am who I am. Unfortunately my so-called "lifestyle" is a controversial one and too many people argue if it's sinful.
I told my friend, "Every time someone tells me that homosexuality is sinful, it hurts me." I told him about my broken home, my father leaving when I desired a male-bonding relationship and how it shaped me into this bold gay guy that I am today. No, it didn't shape my sexuality and it's not only that I'm attracted to guys. That's not the only reason why I agreed to speak out. It's a little more sentimental for me and I can't help but feel the need to stand up for my dream of growing old with a man because I missed out on a lot of male bonding time as a child. I was a loner and after my parents broke up, I was living with only girls. It's not why I'm attracted to males, however it's why I am so bold on this topic.
My friend was thankful for me sharing with him and he prayed for me. I know he cares but the discussion we had only led to me playing with old doubts in my head for the next couple of days... Wondering if I was wrong living the life I am living. It also brought out all of these emotions in me which eventually were too hard to keep inside.
A couple weeks ago, my boyfriend was working late and I was at home pondering all of these thoughts and remembering how my faith in Christianity used to be. From when I was just a child who fell in love with the Jesus story... becoming involved with CDAC... taking religion more seriously due to communal influence... neglecting my loved ones for not embracing CDAC like I did... leaving the church... "coming out"... dabbling with spells... suicidal tendencies... returning to church... showing others that being gay isn't sinful... suffering from CDAC's agenda... involvement on queer-positive religious groups... speaking out against religious homophobia in the media... considering going to bible college in the Anglican church... attending an Anglican congregation which was queer-positive... then finally stopping to process it all...
My mother phoned me and asked me how I was doing.. Mother's intuition kicked in as I told her "I'm doing okay," and she could tell I had a lot on my mind. I started crying as she questioned me about what was wrong and she immediately came over. I told her, "Mom, the church really fucked me up..." I let it all out, the visit with my friend, why all of these emotions still remained inside me. About how hopeful I felt about Christianity when I was younger and being part of the church played a huge role in why I have no interest in organized religion anymore.
When I had told her all that I had been going through after this visit with my friend, how it stirred up all of these emotions, she told me that all of this pondering about spirituality and God is something she had pondered a lot. She take comfort that she feels that she has a purpose on this earth and that she has such a wonderful son. I wondered if I should remain in the LGBT religious groups I had played a huge part in with the mental state I was in but about a week later my Integrity Saskatoon secretary got in contact with me.
He talked about some of his beliefs and shared a little bit about his life and how he too doesn't agree with many things about the church and even Christianity. He's a free thinker like I am. He told me that a lot of these hurts from people don't always completely go away and I could see that. These issues I have with church friends probably wont go away when we are on different pages about something that hits so close to home for me. I decided to continue with the religious groups because I think there is still need for people to hear my story in religious settings.
Since about a week had passed from the visit with my mom, I had received a lot of clarity about all that happened. I feel a healing run through me which I believe the divine has a big part in. I am who I am and I believe what I believe. Just because I walked away from Christianity, doesn't mean that I'm lost or struggling with my faith. The fact that I am always questioning myself and my beliefs shows that I have a tremendous amount of faith that no one can take away from me.
I am blessed with all of these people in my life who love me and do not wish any unhappiness for me. Especially my amazing lover and soul-mate Josh, the love I always wanted in a relationship that's truly unbreakable.
I'm still processing all that I've been through but one thing that's for sure is that I will not assume that I know better than someone about what they are doing with their life. Especially when they are not harming themselves or those around them. I believe that positive life journeys are simply based on what you have experienced and how to do the best with all that you have and all that you are. Staying in touch with your inner-self and staying true to that magical, positive energy within yourself that makes you who you are. It's about how you handle life struggles and life achievements. Never being too insecure or too ungrateful. All of which are Wiccan ethics. I believe in "God" and I never walked away from the divine. I just have a different idea about how to handle the mystery behind it all.
I am embracing my love for "The Craft" and the beautiful spirit guides who guide me to the divine. It's something I've always felt a connection to and I have embraced it upon this journey I continue to walk on. I do not judge those who believe in the Christian faith and I have no problem with them as long as they're not trying to enforce harmful beliefs onto others. I am still offering my love to those who are hurt and in turmoil with their congregations and will continue to share my story because there are so many people that need piece of mind when people question their beliefs. I will not question, I will only listen and share some of the events that take place in my life.
Anytime, just look me up and find me. I see it as my calling to help.
On the day I posted my final blog on Circle Drive Alliance Church, I went for coffee with one of the only guys who still visits with me from CDAC. He's a very loving friend of mine and although we don't see eye to eye on the bible and homosexuality, he's always there if he's free and I need him.
On this particular visit we voiced our opinions and I went back into the Christian psyche in order to level with him. I imagine he had a lot on the mind about the blogs I wrote recently which is fine and I have no hard feelings about the discussion we had. He's the kind of Christian who believes in the "born again" method of Christianity and that when you read the bible, God speaks to you through it.
My point was that the bible is inaccurate and that we cannot base scripture at face value on "Truth".
We both made our points and at the end of our bible discussion, we were in his truck awhile I was a bit upset about hearing those homophobic echoes of the church. I told him "this is exactly one reason why I have no desire for Christianity anymore. Because of shitty arguments like these." I just can't mentally handle this anti-gay conservative war on my civil rights and position in the church anymore. It also strikes a huge note in my heart every time I hear those echoes and this hurt on my shoulders that I am trying to heal really gets to me.
My friend somewhat agreed and while all of these feelings were stirring up inside me, I broke down and cried. I remembered how happy I used to be when I was a youth leader, before I "came out" and hadn't struggled with the church on such a big level. I told him "I needed to tell people about my sexuality because I was going crazy inside with such a huge secret...' I can't help how I feel inside and I am who I am. Unfortunately my so-called "lifestyle" is a controversial one and too many people argue if it's sinful.
I told my friend, "Every time someone tells me that homosexuality is sinful, it hurts me." I told him about my broken home, my father leaving when I desired a male-bonding relationship and how it shaped me into this bold gay guy that I am today. No, it didn't shape my sexuality and it's not only that I'm attracted to guys. That's not the only reason why I agreed to speak out. It's a little more sentimental for me and I can't help but feel the need to stand up for my dream of growing old with a man because I missed out on a lot of male bonding time as a child. I was a loner and after my parents broke up, I was living with only girls. It's not why I'm attracted to males, however it's why I am so bold on this topic.
My friend was thankful for me sharing with him and he prayed for me. I know he cares but the discussion we had only led to me playing with old doubts in my head for the next couple of days... Wondering if I was wrong living the life I am living. It also brought out all of these emotions in me which eventually were too hard to keep inside.
A couple weeks ago, my boyfriend was working late and I was at home pondering all of these thoughts and remembering how my faith in Christianity used to be. From when I was just a child who fell in love with the Jesus story... becoming involved with CDAC... taking religion more seriously due to communal influence... neglecting my loved ones for not embracing CDAC like I did... leaving the church... "coming out"... dabbling with spells... suicidal tendencies... returning to church... showing others that being gay isn't sinful... suffering from CDAC's agenda... involvement on queer-positive religious groups... speaking out against religious homophobia in the media... considering going to bible college in the Anglican church... attending an Anglican congregation which was queer-positive... then finally stopping to process it all...
My mother phoned me and asked me how I was doing.. Mother's intuition kicked in as I told her "I'm doing okay," and she could tell I had a lot on my mind. I started crying as she questioned me about what was wrong and she immediately came over. I told her, "Mom, the church really fucked me up..." I let it all out, the visit with my friend, why all of these emotions still remained inside me. About how hopeful I felt about Christianity when I was younger and being part of the church played a huge role in why I have no interest in organized religion anymore.
When I had told her all that I had been going through after this visit with my friend, how it stirred up all of these emotions, she told me that all of this pondering about spirituality and God is something she had pondered a lot. She take comfort that she feels that she has a purpose on this earth and that she has such a wonderful son. I wondered if I should remain in the LGBT religious groups I had played a huge part in with the mental state I was in but about a week later my Integrity Saskatoon secretary got in contact with me.
He talked about some of his beliefs and shared a little bit about his life and how he too doesn't agree with many things about the church and even Christianity. He's a free thinker like I am. He told me that a lot of these hurts from people don't always completely go away and I could see that. These issues I have with church friends probably wont go away when we are on different pages about something that hits so close to home for me. I decided to continue with the religious groups because I think there is still need for people to hear my story in religious settings.
Since about a week had passed from the visit with my mom, I had received a lot of clarity about all that happened. I feel a healing run through me which I believe the divine has a big part in. I am who I am and I believe what I believe. Just because I walked away from Christianity, doesn't mean that I'm lost or struggling with my faith. The fact that I am always questioning myself and my beliefs shows that I have a tremendous amount of faith that no one can take away from me.
I am blessed with all of these people in my life who love me and do not wish any unhappiness for me. Especially my amazing lover and soul-mate Josh, the love I always wanted in a relationship that's truly unbreakable.
I'm still processing all that I've been through but one thing that's for sure is that I will not assume that I know better than someone about what they are doing with their life. Especially when they are not harming themselves or those around them. I believe that positive life journeys are simply based on what you have experienced and how to do the best with all that you have and all that you are. Staying in touch with your inner-self and staying true to that magical, positive energy within yourself that makes you who you are. It's about how you handle life struggles and life achievements. Never being too insecure or too ungrateful. All of which are Wiccan ethics. I believe in "God" and I never walked away from the divine. I just have a different idea about how to handle the mystery behind it all.
I am embracing my love for "The Craft" and the beautiful spirit guides who guide me to the divine. It's something I've always felt a connection to and I have embraced it upon this journey I continue to walk on. I do not judge those who believe in the Christian faith and I have no problem with them as long as they're not trying to enforce harmful beliefs onto others. I am still offering my love to those who are hurt and in turmoil with their congregations and will continue to share my story because there are so many people that need piece of mind when people question their beliefs. I will not question, I will only listen and share some of the events that take place in my life.
Anytime, just look me up and find me. I see it as my calling to help.
Monday, 11 August 2014
To the Holy Cross High School class of 2004
In the fall of 2000 I entered into a our high school which would leave me with all of these memories haunting me for many different reasons. I, like many of my former classmates, was scared and was on this quest for people to like me. Being a little socially awkward at times sure didn't help my situation and although I made a lot of people in my grade 9 class laugh, they eventually grew tired of this energy which had worked for me in the past to make friends and feel a little better about myself.
As I look back, I tried too hard to make friends and although I made people laugh, not many people got to know the guy that was struggling to live a happy life. Sure, I may have appeared happy on the outside but inside was a completely different story. Struggling with certain passions on the inside that I was told were sinful and just often wondering if God still loved me even as a child, feeling most close to God than any time in my life.
Maybe it was because I was going crazy on the inside with these struggles of mine that I struggled to get to know all of the wonderful people in my class. The ones that I started to get to know often seemed to have other friends that they connected more with. While I don't blame myself for struggling, I can see how those connections with other students just didn't happen. I wasn't being myself and for the most part, the only part of myself I was comfortable sharing with people were my wacky sense of humor and my faith in God.
Due to my own personal struggles with self identifying myself due to the passions I looked at as "impure", I'm pretty sure that I hurt some people. I was one of those guys that made fun of people for looking "gay" or even called people "fag". "Sticks and stones", I suppose but there were some moments that I really am not proud of besides the name calling. At time I used my struggles of religion and my affectionate desires as a fear tactic onto others.
Yes, I was one of those people that at times told people that being gay was "sinful" and a "damned lifestyle". I remember one time in particular when I did an oral presentation on the subject in Mr. Swales grade 12 English class. Telling people that "they can change" and that "they're only gay because of insecurities within their gender roles", when all that I was really doing was making fellow students feel like there was something wrong with them... That the passions they feel for individuals of the same-sex was something to be shamed rather than embraced with love.
I felt like that if I spoke out against what I was going through, that maybe I would get enough courage to diminish my attractions towards the same-sex. Maybe in doing so, I committed "social suicide" with my peers. As I look back today, I was the one to be shamed at that time.
Today I live with my same-sex partner in a lovely apartment in downtown Saskatoon and the reality that I face is that our love is no different than anyone else's. But also that I have this guilt that lies within my heart while wondering how what I said to people in high school has shaped them in who they are today. Have the words that I said struck gays and lesbians in a way that they felt they couldn't come to terms with themselves sooner or ever? If that is so, and any of them are reading this, I just want to let them know how sorry I am and that you will indeed see me at our reunion in September. If you need to let it all out and tell me how much it hurt you for me to be so homophobic, I am willing to take it.
Every time I think about the homophobic words I said back then, I say a prayer for those people it may have affected. I pray that they find the love in their lives that they deserve and that their lives be happy and blessed. Because no matter what anyone tells you or whichever belief system you follow, what matters most to humans is that we find what we desire most in life, especially when it comes to love. It would sadden me to hear that any of my classmates never found what they deserved, especially when after so many personal struggles, I did. It's also never too late to attempt to fulfill those dreams.
With love,
Your former classmate,
Ryan Willey
As I look back, I tried too hard to make friends and although I made people laugh, not many people got to know the guy that was struggling to live a happy life. Sure, I may have appeared happy on the outside but inside was a completely different story. Struggling with certain passions on the inside that I was told were sinful and just often wondering if God still loved me even as a child, feeling most close to God than any time in my life.
Maybe it was because I was going crazy on the inside with these struggles of mine that I struggled to get to know all of the wonderful people in my class. The ones that I started to get to know often seemed to have other friends that they connected more with. While I don't blame myself for struggling, I can see how those connections with other students just didn't happen. I wasn't being myself and for the most part, the only part of myself I was comfortable sharing with people were my wacky sense of humor and my faith in God.
Due to my own personal struggles with self identifying myself due to the passions I looked at as "impure", I'm pretty sure that I hurt some people. I was one of those guys that made fun of people for looking "gay" or even called people "fag". "Sticks and stones", I suppose but there were some moments that I really am not proud of besides the name calling. At time I used my struggles of religion and my affectionate desires as a fear tactic onto others.
Yes, I was one of those people that at times told people that being gay was "sinful" and a "damned lifestyle". I remember one time in particular when I did an oral presentation on the subject in Mr. Swales grade 12 English class. Telling people that "they can change" and that "they're only gay because of insecurities within their gender roles", when all that I was really doing was making fellow students feel like there was something wrong with them... That the passions they feel for individuals of the same-sex was something to be shamed rather than embraced with love.
I felt like that if I spoke out against what I was going through, that maybe I would get enough courage to diminish my attractions towards the same-sex. Maybe in doing so, I committed "social suicide" with my peers. As I look back today, I was the one to be shamed at that time.
Today I live with my same-sex partner in a lovely apartment in downtown Saskatoon and the reality that I face is that our love is no different than anyone else's. But also that I have this guilt that lies within my heart while wondering how what I said to people in high school has shaped them in who they are today. Have the words that I said struck gays and lesbians in a way that they felt they couldn't come to terms with themselves sooner or ever? If that is so, and any of them are reading this, I just want to let them know how sorry I am and that you will indeed see me at our reunion in September. If you need to let it all out and tell me how much it hurt you for me to be so homophobic, I am willing to take it.
Every time I think about the homophobic words I said back then, I say a prayer for those people it may have affected. I pray that they find the love in their lives that they deserve and that their lives be happy and blessed. Because no matter what anyone tells you or whichever belief system you follow, what matters most to humans is that we find what we desire most in life, especially when it comes to love. It would sadden me to hear that any of my classmates never found what they deserved, especially when after so many personal struggles, I did. It's also never too late to attempt to fulfill those dreams.
With love,
Your former classmate,
Ryan Willey
Thursday, 12 June 2014
When I Imagine Myself with a Woman
Every once in a while, I remember when I was a child watching the film "Look Who's Talking Now" with Kirstey Alley and John Travolta. The one with the talking dogs... There's a scene near the end of the film when the father is coming home to his family for Christmas after some troubles getting home. The mother gets all emotional when she see's her husband and I remember when I was watching this, for some reason I thought to myself that I wanted a wife and a family one day. I was about 10 and was afraid of my attractions towards other boys. But for some reason, this film gave me this feeling on how nice it would be to have a wife and kids. At the time, I felt certain that that's what I wanted.
Today the thought of being with a woman is certainly unpleasant. It doesn't do much for me physically and of course I just don't have that connection with women that most guys have. There were times when I would toy with the idea in my mind, but the fantasy of having a wife has died as I got older and figured myself out. There are callings in each of us that our souls that we cannot deny.
Sometimes I toy with the idea in my head, being married to a woman and having kids and the white picket fence... It's just sooo not me ;) I imagine if I were in such a situation, where I lied to myself for too many years, that it would end in disaster. I imagine that I would be falling in love with all of my new best friends and there would be this hole in my life I'd be wanting to fill but never being able to. No pun intended. ;)
I had a girlfriend once... I even thought about marrying her and it wasn't even me who broke up with her. She dumped me... maybe it was destiny... I mean look at all that I have done for the community for gay rights and understanding. All of the people that I help be comfortable with what they feel inside and showing them that it's perfectly healthy for them to be going towards their happily ever after... Maybe not all of us get there, but I personally would rather not going crazy inside with a dream that would never have a chance to be fulfilled.
Some would say, just change your dreams. Well yea, people's dreams do change at times because we become wiser through every experience that we have. But the thing that always worked for me, is being true to myself and being good to all those who come across me. I try my best. ;) I've been blessed with all of the good things that I've experienced in my life; a family who supports and loves me, a loving boyfriend who finds me irresistible, a sustainable job and all those wonderful people who follow me with a glimmer of hope in their eyes.
My childhood dream wasn't really for me, while some people might argue that it should have been. Well I also wanted to be a police officer but do not have the physical capabilities to do so. Our childhood dreams evolve and it's perfectly fine. It just shows growth as a person and love for myself. I may not be completely sold on a religion, but I am still seeking for "Truth" in myself, in those all around me and possibly the divine.
Today the thought of being with a woman is certainly unpleasant. It doesn't do much for me physically and of course I just don't have that connection with women that most guys have. There were times when I would toy with the idea in my mind, but the fantasy of having a wife has died as I got older and figured myself out. There are callings in each of us that our souls that we cannot deny.
Sometimes I toy with the idea in my head, being married to a woman and having kids and the white picket fence... It's just sooo not me ;) I imagine if I were in such a situation, where I lied to myself for too many years, that it would end in disaster. I imagine that I would be falling in love with all of my new best friends and there would be this hole in my life I'd be wanting to fill but never being able to. No pun intended. ;)
I had a girlfriend once... I even thought about marrying her and it wasn't even me who broke up with her. She dumped me... maybe it was destiny... I mean look at all that I have done for the community for gay rights and understanding. All of the people that I help be comfortable with what they feel inside and showing them that it's perfectly healthy for them to be going towards their happily ever after... Maybe not all of us get there, but I personally would rather not going crazy inside with a dream that would never have a chance to be fulfilled.
Some would say, just change your dreams. Well yea, people's dreams do change at times because we become wiser through every experience that we have. But the thing that always worked for me, is being true to myself and being good to all those who come across me. I try my best. ;) I've been blessed with all of the good things that I've experienced in my life; a family who supports and loves me, a loving boyfriend who finds me irresistible, a sustainable job and all those wonderful people who follow me with a glimmer of hope in their eyes.
My childhood dream wasn't really for me, while some people might argue that it should have been. Well I also wanted to be a police officer but do not have the physical capabilities to do so. Our childhood dreams evolve and it's perfectly fine. It just shows growth as a person and love for myself. I may not be completely sold on a religion, but I am still seeking for "Truth" in myself, in those all around me and possibly the divine.
Monday, 9 June 2014
Something I Will Not Tolerate
Lately I've been thinking about the kind of world I'd like to live in with my lover, which has caused me to reevaluate how tolerant I should be towards anti-gay religious fanatics. I dream of a world where my lover and I won't be looked at as perverts, a danger towards children, sinful based upon our expressions of love and finally a world where we will not have to be fearful to hold each other's hands in public.
I tell you this because I want people to really think about what it means to "wipe out homophobia"... I won't tolerate people who judge me just because my lover is the same sex as me, even if it's because of their religious beliefs. You can't polish a turd, homophobia isn't something beautiful just because it's a part of your religion. It is not any more tolerable just because your religious beliefs say differently. Discrimination against those of a loving nature and while doing no harm is despicable and wrong.
Homophobia is disgusting, hateful, evil, shameful, degrading, etc. If your religious beliefs are upsetting so many people who are not harming anyone, then what are your beliefs doing to them on the inside? Every time you spout out your mouth to us, it tears up our soul a little bit, some more than others. I'm past the point of caring what religious fanatics think about me but I do care that they are influencing vulnerable individuals to suppress their right to living the loving lives they desire.
I will not tolerate any form of homophobia! My dream is that the world will "wipe out homophobia" because this is "the devil" that lurks in congregations and many other forms of communities. We are not evil, nor are our expressions of love. The real evil is the indifference that is caused by people in these communities. You have no right to be upset about our own personal wishes and if you get in our way or speak out against us, then I wont tolerate it.
I tell all people with good wishes to follow your dreams and when someone tells you to tolerate people who disagree with you, know that they are not worth arguing with. Because while "love can move mountains" some "brick walls" will just never fall until they start to parish. Besides, your actions will always speak louder than words. As long as you're following what you know is right in your heart and not harming anyone, then the divine will guide you to your destination of love.
I tell you this because I want people to really think about what it means to "wipe out homophobia"... I won't tolerate people who judge me just because my lover is the same sex as me, even if it's because of their religious beliefs. You can't polish a turd, homophobia isn't something beautiful just because it's a part of your religion. It is not any more tolerable just because your religious beliefs say differently. Discrimination against those of a loving nature and while doing no harm is despicable and wrong.
Homophobia is disgusting, hateful, evil, shameful, degrading, etc. If your religious beliefs are upsetting so many people who are not harming anyone, then what are your beliefs doing to them on the inside? Every time you spout out your mouth to us, it tears up our soul a little bit, some more than others. I'm past the point of caring what religious fanatics think about me but I do care that they are influencing vulnerable individuals to suppress their right to living the loving lives they desire.
I will not tolerate any form of homophobia! My dream is that the world will "wipe out homophobia" because this is "the devil" that lurks in congregations and many other forms of communities. We are not evil, nor are our expressions of love. The real evil is the indifference that is caused by people in these communities. You have no right to be upset about our own personal wishes and if you get in our way or speak out against us, then I wont tolerate it.
I tell all people with good wishes to follow your dreams and when someone tells you to tolerate people who disagree with you, know that they are not worth arguing with. Because while "love can move mountains" some "brick walls" will just never fall until they start to parish. Besides, your actions will always speak louder than words. As long as you're following what you know is right in your heart and not harming anyone, then the divine will guide you to your destination of love.
Tuesday, 27 May 2014
The Man of My Dreams
Finally, at the age of 28, I have found my soul mate. You know, the person we hear about in love stories? Someone just so unbelievably like the person I asked for in prayers and in my dreams. Someone who loves me more than any other person on this earth.
It was hard for a while before I met him. I often wondered if I would end up like one of those creepy old guys you see in the bar staring at the younger ones, with this voice in he back of their head saying that they've missed their chances. But by following my heart and being true to myself, breaking free of everyone else's expectations and just being, I am on the right divine path and finally met "the one". I believe that we all have a soul mate but the only way we get to that person is by following your most cherished dreams and being pure hearted. It's essential for a relationship.
My boyfriend and I have laughed together, cried together and most importantly; loved together. We know what each other are thinking without even saying a word. Sometimes when we're not together, we can feel what kind of day the other is having without even knowing. Our connection is stronger than any other we've experienced. We are true lovers even in a world where religious fanatics tell us "gays can't have functional relationships."
With every day we spend together, our relationship is stronger and we have proved to ourselves time and time again that it doesn't matter what others think of us. We only live by our own expectations which follows closest to our hearts and our hearts are like one. It's our love that slays the idea of our loving expressions as being sinful. When we burn with passions, we're their for each other. We're there for each other for many reasons and all we can do is laugh at the those who make theories about us from afar but are not willing to walk with us. Because only those who have walked in these shoes of ours, know the truth in our hearts and in our lives. Sometimes people can see enough of that and realize that there is no "devil" in what we are doing.
The divine is with us, guiding us through our relationship. It's unquestionable to us because of all of the magical things which we've experienced together. Any doubts of the goodness in being gay are shattered when we are together and our love conquers this demon lurking in congregations and other communities. The demon of arrogance which is projecting fear onto us from afar. But as long as we're far from it, it proves that people aren't willing to understand. I challenge those who are anti-gay to break free of fear and see how some of your thoughts are not necessarily so. Befriend us rather than fearing us and staying your distance.
The man of my dreams has entered into my life and I couldn't be happier. It's like I'm in this dream that I haven't awoken from because it's all too magical and wonderful. Never fear your desires of love because as long as you continue to do you part to positively share your power within yourself, then the right things will come and challenges will get easier. They have in my life anyway.
It was hard for a while before I met him. I often wondered if I would end up like one of those creepy old guys you see in the bar staring at the younger ones, with this voice in he back of their head saying that they've missed their chances. But by following my heart and being true to myself, breaking free of everyone else's expectations and just being, I am on the right divine path and finally met "the one". I believe that we all have a soul mate but the only way we get to that person is by following your most cherished dreams and being pure hearted. It's essential for a relationship.
My boyfriend and I have laughed together, cried together and most importantly; loved together. We know what each other are thinking without even saying a word. Sometimes when we're not together, we can feel what kind of day the other is having without even knowing. Our connection is stronger than any other we've experienced. We are true lovers even in a world where religious fanatics tell us "gays can't have functional relationships."
With every day we spend together, our relationship is stronger and we have proved to ourselves time and time again that it doesn't matter what others think of us. We only live by our own expectations which follows closest to our hearts and our hearts are like one. It's our love that slays the idea of our loving expressions as being sinful. When we burn with passions, we're their for each other. We're there for each other for many reasons and all we can do is laugh at the those who make theories about us from afar but are not willing to walk with us. Because only those who have walked in these shoes of ours, know the truth in our hearts and in our lives. Sometimes people can see enough of that and realize that there is no "devil" in what we are doing.
The divine is with us, guiding us through our relationship. It's unquestionable to us because of all of the magical things which we've experienced together. Any doubts of the goodness in being gay are shattered when we are together and our love conquers this demon lurking in congregations and other communities. The demon of arrogance which is projecting fear onto us from afar. But as long as we're far from it, it proves that people aren't willing to understand. I challenge those who are anti-gay to break free of fear and see how some of your thoughts are not necessarily so. Befriend us rather than fearing us and staying your distance.
The man of my dreams has entered into my life and I couldn't be happier. It's like I'm in this dream that I haven't awoken from because it's all too magical and wonderful. Never fear your desires of love because as long as you continue to do you part to positively share your power within yourself, then the right things will come and challenges will get easier. They have in my life anyway.
Tuesday, 20 May 2014
"What's with this Witchy Stuff?"
Not long ago I sat down with a friend who is a priest in the Anglican church. She's been beside me for sometime as I have been battling the Goliath in the church called homophobia. She is someone very dear to my heart and I have the utmost respect for her.
I hadn't seen her in a few months and since then I had come out about my spiritual beliefs which are very close to the Wiccan beliefs, although I do not necessarily practice very many rituals. So she asked me, "What's with this witchy stuff?" I had been worried about telling her, because she had the most faith in me becoming more involved in the church, she told others in the church that she could see me in ministry. She had set up appointments with people in the church in regards to my vocation with the church.
It seemed like a pretty good idea at the time... but deep down inside the depths of my heart, mind and soul there was this battle going on. I had this fear, that if I were to obtain such a role in the church, that I would be lying to myself. I wondered if I would change certain aspects of myself that I cherish. I wondered if I would actually be me, or be holding back on the magic inside me that now seems to flow so beautifully and freely.
I hadn't seen her in a few months and since then I had come out about my spiritual beliefs which are very close to the Wiccan beliefs, although I do not necessarily practice very many rituals. So she asked me, "What's with this witchy stuff?" I had been worried about telling her, because she had the most faith in me becoming more involved in the church, she told others in the church that she could see me in ministry. She had set up appointments with people in the church in regards to my vocation with the church.
It seemed like a pretty good idea at the time... but deep down inside the depths of my heart, mind and soul there was this battle going on. I had this fear, that if I were to obtain such a role in the church, that I would be lying to myself. I wondered if I would change certain aspects of myself that I cherish. I wondered if I would actually be me, or be holding back on the magic inside me that now seems to flow so beautifully and freely.
Just before my priest-friend's sabbatical leave, I stopped going to church to break free and dig down deep into my body, mind and soul. The result being that the magic inside me, hadn't been enlightened in my life to it's fullest, which is now my official spiritual goal. Then recently, I was sitting in my priest-friend's office about the Christian support groups which we had coordinated together.
I basically answered that I was journeying and that I had become in touch with my most inner-self. That I wasn't sure about the "God thing" because I don't want to be narrow minded and not consider what other's believe. I told her that I loved the Jesus story but question it's legitimacy. I asked, who really knows that they're right about God in this world?
At the end of our meeting, I was sitting with her, waiting for my boyfriend to come pick me up. She told me a little bit about this story about these blind men feeling this elephant.
I basically answered that I was journeying and that I had become in touch with my most inner-self. That I wasn't sure about the "God thing" because I don't want to be narrow minded and not consider what other's believe. I told her that I loved the Jesus story but question it's legitimacy. I asked, who really knows that they're right about God in this world?
At the end of our meeting, I was sitting with her, waiting for my boyfriend to come pick me up. She told me a little bit about this story about these blind men feeling this elephant.
The Blind Men and the Elephant
John Godfrey Saxe (1816-1887)
It was six men of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant
(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation
Might satisfy his mind.
The First approached the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side,
At once began to bawl:
"God bless me! but the Elephant
Is very like a WALL!"
The Second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried, "Ho, what have we here,
So very round and smooth and sharp?
To me 'tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant
Is very like a SPEAR!"
The Third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands,
Thus boldly up and spake:
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a SNAKE!"
The Fourth reached out an eager hand,
And felt about the knee
"What most this wondrous beast is like
Is mighty plain," quoth he:
"'Tis clear enough the Elephant
Is very like a TREE!"
The Fifth, who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: "E'en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most;
Deny the fact who can,
This marvel of an Elephant
Is very like a FAN!"
The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Than seizing on the swinging tail
That fell within his scope,
"I see," quoth he, "the Elephant
Is very like a ROPE!"
And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion
Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right,
And all were in the wrong!
Source:
http://www.constitution.org/col/blind_men.htm
She told me that God is like the elephant and the blind men are all like men from different religions. That God is even bigger than what any man can describe, which I would have to agree with. Whether it be "God" or some other sort of supernatural force, the story behind our existence will most likely always remain incorrect by the human race.
So we retreat and we find our own personal meanings in our lives. For me, it's spirituality, the power within, family, friends and most of all; love. A lot of the things that are taught in religions are valuable and work great for people, and I have nothing against that. But in today's world, I think that it's all common sense now. That we don't need to worship ancient stories in order to find divination in one's life. Doing your best as a human being and following your dreams are what brings this world together.
Maybe indifference will one day be defeated if we all just learned to listen rather than bite each other's heads off because of simple disagreements and misunderstandings.
So we retreat and we find our own personal meanings in our lives. For me, it's spirituality, the power within, family, friends and most of all; love. A lot of the things that are taught in religions are valuable and work great for people, and I have nothing against that. But in today's world, I think that it's all common sense now. That we don't need to worship ancient stories in order to find divination in one's life. Doing your best as a human being and following your dreams are what brings this world together.
Maybe indifference will one day be defeated if we all just learned to listen rather than bite each other's heads off because of simple disagreements and misunderstandings.
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